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11 Women Who Hate To Cook Share Their Go-To Weeknight Meals

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There are two types of people in this world: those for whom cooking is therapeutic, a creative outlet, and a way to show love, and those who simply despise the act. For people in the latter camp, it's anxiety-producing, takes too much planning, and just isn't fun. But as shocking as it may sound to die-hard foodies, people that fall into this group often come up with the best recipes. They know they gotta eat, so they create crafty ways to throw together delicious meals without too much prep, planning, or actual cooking.

To discover the hack-packed, low-lift recipes that keep the cooking-averse satisfied, we asked millennial women who hate to cook to share their go-to weeknight meals. Ahead, you'll find our favorite responses. These meals could inspire even those who enjoy cooking because, let's face it, we all have nights when we don't have the energy to spend too much time in the kitchen.

Occupation: Writer
Age: 41
City: Portland

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Spinach, sausage, mushroom, white bean sauté.

Why do you like this meal?
It's easy to prep, has a quick cook time, and contains solid protein and veg.

What is the recipe for this meal?
1 pound bulk chicken sausage
1 can cannelini beans
1 cup fresh spinach, coarsely chopped
1 cup mushrooms, diced
1/2 cup onion, diced
2+ cloves of garlic, diced
Crumble and brown chicken sausage in pan, along with onions and garlic. Add spinach and mushrooms and cook until al dente. Add beans and spices to taste. Simmer for 10 minutes before serving.

Where did this recipe come from?
It's a quick recipe my ex (a chef) threw together.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Social media specialist in digital marketing
Age: 29
City: Los Angeles, CA

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Pimped-out Top Ramen.

Why do you like this meal?
It's always good and you add whatever you have in your fridge.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Top Ramen Packet (shrimp, chicken, or really any flavor), a teaspoon of butter, cheese (sliced preferably), salt, pepper, green onion, Sriracha, spam (if you have it), seaweed flakes or seaweed, and an egg.

Where did this recipe come from?
My grandma would always add an egg to my top ramen when I was a kid, and all the other additions have been from whatever I had in the kitchen. Butter was a tip from Kylie Jenner. Cheese is my newest addition and it's sooooo good. It makes it creamy.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Graduate student
Age: 22
City: Bethlehem, PA

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Rice, tofu, and veggies.

Why do you like this meal?
It's easy, quick, vegan, and healthy.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Frozen steam bags of any vegetables (I usually use peas, corn, carrots, green beans, and mix them together in a bigger bowl)
Frozen steam bag of brown rice (take as much as needed of rice and veggies for one meal and save the rest in the fridge)
Firm tofu, sliced into small squares, seasoned with black pepper and nutritional yeast
Mix a serving of rice, tofu, and veggies together in a bowl
Flax and sesame seeds sprinkled on top

Where did this recipe come from?
It's my own creation.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Librarian
Age: 23
City: Boise, ID

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
I call it "Poor Man's Dirty Rice."

Why do you like this meal?
It's super quick, simple, and really flexible.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Cauliflower rice, ground meat, and salsa. I usually use two bags of rice and cook those in a pan. In a separate pan, I will cook some ground meat — usually turkey or beef, but it can be anything. Then, when both are cooked, I mix them in a pan and add a few tablespoons of salsa, a little salt and pepper, and maybe some garlic powder.

Where did this recipe come from?
It's a family recipe.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Journalist
Age: 22
City: Davenport, IA

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Scrambled eggs and veggies with cheese.

Why do you like this meal?
It's super cheap and reasonably healthy, especially since I go so heavy on the veggies. I'm trying to limit my meat intake and most of my attempts to meal prep vegetables have ranged from mediocre to sad, so I also appreciate that it's fast enough to make fresh each time.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Two eggs, whatever chopped vegetables you wants (I like kale and tomatoes, a Brussels sprouts slaw I buy pre-cut, or even butternut squash), fresh (or not) herbs, and cheese. If the vegetables are hard, cook those first, otherwise scramble the eggs and add the vegetables at the same time. Add the herbs or any other greens and cheese toward the end. Lately, I've been using smoked cheddar with parsley or Brie and rosemary. I usually try to have an equal amount of vegetables and eggs, but the texture is definitely better with more egg than roughage. I'll add toast or an extra egg if I'm especially hungry.

Where did this recipe come from?
It's really just scrambled eggs.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Graduate student
Age: 23
City: Orange County, CA

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Cilantro-lime rice with chicken apple sausage.

Why do you like this meal?
Super easy and lasts for about three days.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Cook cilantro lime rice packet from target, cook chicken apple sausage, then mix together!

Where did this recipe come from?
I came up with it through sheer desperation of something easy and lots of time roaming around Target.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Graphic designer
Age: 22
City: Washington, D.C.

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Soy chorizo burrito.

Why do you like this meal?
It's packed full of protein, is quick to make, can be eaten warm or cool, is easy to store for later or meal prep, and contains simple ingredients.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Half a link of soy chorizo (from Trader Joe's), 1 egg, 1 flour tortilla, 1 cup of mashed avocado, olive oil, hot sauce for taste (I prefer the Mexican Valentina brand).

Where did this recipe come from?
My boyfriend is Costa Rican, and he makes burritos that are to die for. Since I don't eat a lot of meat, this is an adaptation from what he makes.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Temporary receptionist
Age: 25
City: Vancouver, British Columbia

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Spaghetti with a green salad.

Why do you like this meal?
It is relatively easy to make and there is enough pasta for at least two other meals.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Boil water; start cooking extra lean ground beef until completely brown; add dry pasta to boiling water and cook for 8 minutes, occasionally stirring; add tomato sauce to the cooked ground beef. When the pasta is al dente, you can drain the water and put the pasta in a strainer. Prepare a green salad to go with the spaghetti dinner.

Where did this recipe come from?
It is a family recipe but I am sure there are many online recipes for spaghetti.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Teacher
Age: 28
City: Dallas, TX

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Rice and chicken with sauce.

Why do you like this meal?
It's incredibly easy to make, balanced, and fast. Almost every part can be store bought, so the only thing left to do is heat it up.

What is the recipe for this meal?
There are several options for the rice. I'm Korean, so I like a sticky rice. There are companies who sell a microwaveable bowl of rice - that's the easiest way. You can also, of course, just make rice (easy, but time-consuming). Two cups of water per one cup of rice.

The chicken can either be mixed in with the rice or eaten separately. Take some diced chicken (whenever I buy chicken I dice it and separate it into different Ziploc bags, so they're easy to freeze and thaw as needed) and put them in a pan. Optional: before putting them in a frying pan, cover with flour. This will make them crispy. I put flour in a bowl and toss the chicken around in it. I'm sure you could add egg and whatnot, but this is the easiest way. Once that's done, I heat up some oil in a frying pan and then add in the chicken (if there's flour I try to use a little more oil so it can "fry").

Once the chicken is fully cooked, I add in store-bought General Tso sauce mixed with water, about a 1:1 ratio. Target carries several kinds of General Tso sauce, as does any other grocery store I've looked into. The Panda Express brand is one of my favorites. Once the sauce and water are in there, I swirl everything around to mix and let the sauce simmer. I wait until most of the water has evaporated and the sauce is thick. At this point, you can add in the rice. Add a little more sauce as desired and serve!

Where did this recipe come from?
It mostly came from a love of Chinese takeout, rice, and easy dinners.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: International PR
Age: 26
City: Brooklyn, NY

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Mashed cauliflower and tofurkey Italian sausage.

Why do you like this meal?
It's super easy, quick, and relatively healthy.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Mashed Cauliflower:
2 Tablespoons of butter
1 bag of frozen riced cauliflower or medium head of cauliflower
1 cup water
2-3 cloves of garlic
1/2 teaspoon salt
Pepper to taste
Directions: Add butter and finely chopped garlic gloves in a 4 quart pot over medium-high heat and add cauliflower once the butter is almost melted. Sauté cauliflower for 3-5 minutes until it becomes a little lighter in color. Add in the water and bring to a boil. Once boiling, cover the pot and cook about 10 minutes. Reserve 1/8 of a cup of the cooking liquid and drain the remainder. Purée the cauliflower with food processor or hand blender.

Veggie Italian Tofurkey Sausage:
Heat one link with olive oil over medium heat for about 10 minutes.

Where did this recipe come from?
I adapted the mashed cauliflower from a couple of recipes.

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

Occupation: Journalist
Age: 30
City: London, England

What is your go-to weeknight meal?
Instant noodles with all the (some) trimmings.

Why do you like this meal?
It's balanced, tastes great, and ridiculously easy.

What is the recipe for this meal?
Chop up some vegetables like peppers, broccoli, pak choi, Chinese leaf.
Boil water on the stove, add vegetables and a protein like eggs, prawns, or chicken.
Once the vegetables and protein are almost cooked, add a packet of quality, authentic instant noodles like Mama, Indomie or NongShim to the pot, with all their accompanying seasonings.
Once everything has been cooked to your desired texture (I would recommend al dente noodles over soggy noodles), you're done.
You can vary the proportions of noodles, vegetables, and protein according to your dietary needs.

Where did this recipe come from?
I learned it from family

Illustrated by Seung Won Chun.

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Start Shopping These Major President's Day Home Sales

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Monday is President's Day and, aside from an extended weekend, February 18 also promises benefits of the shopping persuasion. The holiday's approach marks the start of major sale events from popular sites and brands across the lifestyle space — meaning that for a limited time, our home wish-lists will be a little more within reach.

Ahead we've lined up a collection of the top President's Day blowouts from bigger-budget buys like memory-foam mattresses to smaller dreamy decor finds, premium kitchen essentials to tech, and even top-rated DNA to meal kit services. Scroll on to pull the trigger on that sleek KitchenAid stand mixer or stylish sectional sofa with secret storage — because there's no better time than the present to snag it for a discounted steal.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

AllModern

Sale: An additional 15% off orders

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: "GOFORIT"



Zipcode Design Hephzibah Reversible Sectional, $475.99, available at AllModern

Allswell

Sale: An additional 15% off orders

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: "15FORALL"



Allswell The Allswell, $267.75, available at Allswell

Anthropologie

Sale: An additional 25% off sale items

Dates: Now for a limited time

Promo Code: None



Anthropologie Swivel Cheese Board Serving Set, $44.96, available at Anthropologie

Bed Bath & Beyond

Sale: Up to 50% off select items

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: None



KitchenAid Artisan® Design Series Stand Mixer, $299.99, available at Bed Bath & Beyond

Birch Lane

Sale: An additional 15% off plus free shipping on orders

Dates: February 14 - February 18

Promo Code: "GEORGE"



Birch Lane LEFLORE 2 DRAWER NIGHTSTAND, $84.15, available at Birch Lane

Brooklyn Bedding

Sale: An additional 25% off site wide

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: None



Brooklyn Bedding Brooklyn Signature, Queen, $711.75, available at Brooklyn Bedding

Casper

Sale: An additional 10% off mattress orders

Dates: Now - February 19

Promo Code: "PRESIDENTS25"



Casper The Essential Mattress, Queen, $540, available at Casper

Cost Plus World Market

Sale: An additional 50% off rugs

Dates: Now for a limited time

Promo Code: None



Cost Plus World Market Pink Alessia Area Rug, $43.99, available at Cost Plus World Market

Dormify

Sale: An additional 25% off site wide

Dates: February 17 - February 18

Promo Code: "LONGWEEKEND"



The Happiness Planner The 100 Day Happiness Planner, $19.5, available at Dormify

Helix Sleep

Sale: An additional $100 off mattress orders; $150 off $1,250 or more orders; $200 off $1,750 or more orders

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: "PREZ100"; "PREZ150"; "PREZ200"



Helix Helix Sunset, $895, available at Helix

Jet

Sale: Up to 44% off select tech and electronics

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: None



Beats By Dre Beats Powerbeats 3 Wireless Earphones, $111.32, available at Jet

Joss & Main

Sale: An additional 20% off orders

Dates: February 14 - February 18

Promo Code: "STARS"



Joss & Main Seagrass Basket Set (3), $31.19, available at Joss & Main

Living DNA

Sale: An additional 30% off two testing-kit orders

Dates: Now - February 19

Promo Code: None



Living DNA DNA Genealogy Kits (2), $138, available at Living DNA

Le Creuset

Sale: An additional 40% off nonstick cookware; 30% off metal bakeware and glassware; a free mini cocotte on orders over $150

Dates: Now for a limited time

Promo Code: "LOVE"



Le Creuset Heart Cocotte (2-qt.), $200, available at Le Creuset

Lulu & Georgia

Sale: An additional 15% off orders of $300 and over; %20 off $600; 25% off $900

Dates: February 14 - February 19

Promo Code: "GOOD"; "BETTER"; "BEST



Lulu and Georgia Amanda Accent Chair, Red, $374, available at Lulu and Georgia

Riley Home

Sale: An additional 30% off site wide

Dates: February 15 - February 19

Promo Code: "RILEYPREZ"



Riley Home Hooded Waffle Robe, $76.3, available at Riley Home

Sur La Table

Sale: Up to 45% off KitchenAid items with free shipping on orders over $59

Dates: Now for a limited time

Promo Code: "SHIPFREE"



KitchenAid Cold Brew Coffee Maker, $74.95, available at Sur La Table

Target

Sale: Up to 25% off home items; an additional 15% off curtains, indoor-outdoor rugs and furniture

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: "HOME"



Project 62 Tufted Area Rug (5X7), $145.34, available at Target

Wayfair

Sale: Up to 75% off select bedding, furniture, storage, kitchenware, and decor

Dates: Now - February 19

Promo Code: None



Langley Street Cambridge Loveseat, $278.99, available at Wayfair

Veestro

Sale: An additional 25% off meal kit purchases

Dates: Now - February 18

Promo Code: "PRESIDENT"



Veestro Meal Kit Box (10 Meals), $87.75, available at Veestro

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What's An Ambivert & How Can You Tell If You Are One?

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Whether you're flirting on a dating app, unloading to your therapist, or making small talk during an ice-breaker activity, at some point most of us have been asked about our "personality types." While some people know their Myers-Briggs Type letters by heart, or fully embrace being an introvert, other people have a harder time putting themselves in a box.

Well, that's where the "ambivert," comes into play. Way back in 1923, a psychologist named Edmund Smith Conklin invented what he believed to be "the ambivert," which is essentially a personality trait to describe someone in the middle of the spectrum of introverts and extroverts.

According to Conklin, sometimes ambiverts are leaders, and sometimes they're followers. Ambiverts can grow up as extroverts, then become introverted later in life. Basically, ambiverts are good at reading the room, and depending on the situation and circumstances, they can shift their personality to fit. "This ability to oscillate between what is clearly introversion and what is as clearly extraversion, to find values of life frequently in each phase of activity, is what I have called ambiversion," Conklin wrote in a 1924 paper.

The thing about ambiverts is that there are a lot of people who could relate to this category. Think about it: we all have moments when we want to be a wallflower, and other times when we feel like chatting up random strangers. We've likely tried on different personas at different times in our lives, too. People are multidimensional, and while some people identify strongly with an extrovert or introvert archetype, we may have several other characteristics that make up our unique personalities.

Because "ambiversion" is so common and relatable, psychologists and psychiatrists have not been all that interested in the concept. Researchers "simply did not see the utility of a category for the normal or average person," writes Ian J. Davidson, PhD, a psychology professor at York University who has studied ambiverts. But from a business perspective, though, ambiversion may have its perks. Some research has shown that ambiverts tend to be better salespeople than introverts or extroverts, because they're good listeners and talkers. Other studies suggest that ambiverts make good leaders because they're assertive without being overbearing or overconfident.

While experts can't seem to agree on how to categorize someone as an ambivert, there are online quizzes that you can take to guesstimate where you land. (Adam Grant, PhD, a psychology professor at Wharton who has studied ambiverts created a free 10-question survey that's worth a try.) The results may help you discover more aspects of your personality that you didn't realize existed before, or they might confirm what you already knew to be true.

So, the next time someone asks you whether you're an introvert or extrovert, you can just tell them you're an "ambivert." It'll either start an interesting conversation about a topic they didn't know about before, or get them to leave you alone — and honestly, isn't that the ambivert's dream scenario?

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Wait, Those Katy Perry Shoes Aren't Actually Blackface

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Another blackface controversy — or is it? On Monday, Katy Perry pulled two styles of shoes from her namesake line following complaints that they look like blackface makeup. The shoes in question were a slip-on mule, called 'Rue Face,' as well as the 'Ora Face,' both featuring facial features on a black shoe.

But do the shoes deserve the criticism they've received?

On Tuesday, the "Firework" singer responded to the backlash, releasing a statement to Entertainment Tonight, saying: "The Rue and The Ora were part of a collection that was released last summer in 9 different colorways (black, blue, gold, graphite, lead, nude, pink, red, silver) and envisioned as a nod to modern art and surrealism." The statement continues: "I was saddened when it was brought to my attention that it was being compared to painful images reminiscent of blackface. Our intention was never to inflict any pain. We have immediately removed them from katyperrycollections.com."

Gucci's Alessandro Michele mentioned a similar artistic inspiration for his brand's controversial black balaclava sweater resembling blackface in an apology on Tuesday. The creative director specifically called the since-pulled item "a tribute to Leigh Bowery, to his camouflage art, to his ability to challenge the bourgeois conventions and conformism, to his eccentricity as a performer, to his extraordinary vocation to masquerade meant as a hymn to freedom."

But it's worth taking a closer look at this latest brand scandal. Although the black was a poor choice, Katy Perry's shoes are kitschy and even a bit reminiscent of Cubism, bringing to mind images of Pablo Picasso's paintings. The shoes, arguably, intend to imitate art, not a racist trope. Of course, we're all on high-alert considering how weirdly pervasive Blackface seems to be in our current news cycle. But are we blurring the line between creative inspiration and racial insensitivity?

As Gucci's Michele said in his statement, "ignorance is not an excuse," but neither is intolerance. It begs the question, how do we hold brands accountable for educating themselves and simultaneously leave room for artistic — yet racially sensitive — expression?

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Stop What You're Doing & Shop These President's Day Discounts

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Is it just us, or has it been ages since the last big round of sales? During the holidays, sales are like Starbucks locations in Manhattan — around every corner. But since January, it's been easy to feel stuck in a thrifter's worst nightmare, a.k.a. the full-priced section. Thankfully, the sale gods are always keeping our wallets in mind and have strategically placed a quick round of discounts right at the end of this dark, sale- less tunnel. That's right, it's time for President's Day sales, and trust us when we say, you won't want to pass these up.

Starting as early as today, the brands and retailers serving up everything from jewelry to clothing to bags, are slashing their prices in the name of President's Day. So before you get tempted on a full-price buy, consider scoring some major deals. Take a peek through our no-markdown-missed A to Z guide of sales to scour over the upcoming holiday weekend. Check back often, because we'll be updating this post with fresh sales daily.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

Barneys Warehouse
Dates: Now - 2/18
Sale: Extra 25% off thousands of styles sitewide
Promo Code: None



Derek Lam 10 Crosby Clasp-Detailed Plissé Crepe Midi-Skirt, $224, available at Barneys WarehousePhoto Courtesy of Barneys Warehouse.

Chinese Laundry
Dates: 2/16 - 2/18
Sale: Buy More, Save More (Buy $75+, Get 15%. Buy $100+, Get 20%, Buy $150+, Get 25%)
Promo Code: BMSM25



Chinese Laundry My Girl Slide Sandal, $39.99, available at Chinese LaundryPhoto Courtesy of Chinese Laundry.

DKNY
Dates:
Extra 20% off sale
Sale:
Now
Promo Code:
SALE20



DKNY Metallic Leather Trench Coat, $269, available at DKNYPhoto courtesy of DKNY.

Dolce Vita
Dates:
Now - 2/19
Sale: Additional 20% off sale & final sale items
Code:
EXTRA20



Dolce Vita Saddle Booties, $96.72, available at Dolce VitaPhoto courtesy of Dolce Vita.

Genuine People
Dates: Now
Sale: Extra 30% off select items and sale
Promo Code: EXTRA30



Genuine People Oversized Shearling Coat, $332.5, available at Genuine PeoplePhoto Courtesy of Genuine People.

IMAGO-A
Dates: 2/15- 2/18
Sale: 25% off sitewide
Promo Code: 25OFF



IMAGO-A Nº44 Lucite Buckle Mini, $345, available at IMAGO-APhoto Courtesy of IMAGO-A.

J.Crew
Dates: 2/12 - 2/18
Sale: 30% off select full-price styles; Extra 30% off select sale items
Promo Code: WKND



J.Crew Boatneck T-shirt, $27.29, available at J.CrewPhoto Courtesy of J.Crew.

Levi's
Dates: Now - 2/19
Sale: 30% off sitewide
Promo Code: WHYWAIT



Levi's Cropped Trucker Jacket, $48.65, available at Levi'sPhoto Courtesy of Levi's.

Lou & Grey
Dates: Now
Sale: Extra 30% off sale items and free shipping
Promo Code: None



Lou & Grey Brightstripe Drawstring Neck Sweater, $41.99, available at Lou & GreyPhoto Courtesy of Lou & Grey.

Macy's
Dates:
2/15 - 2/18
Sale:
50% off women’s coats; 30% off winter boots for her; 40% off winter accessories; Buy 1 get 2nd 50% off bras; Buy 3, Get 30% off INC lingerie, sleepwear, hosiery and slippers; 20% off handbags
Promo Code:
None



INC International Concepts Satin Lace-Trimmed Jacquard Pajama Romper, $27.99, available at Macy'sPhoto courtesy of Macy's.

Missguided
Dates: Now
Sale: 40% off full-price items
Promo Code: SAVE40



Missguided Plus Size Gray Snake Print Maxi, $36, available at MissguidedPhoto Courtesy of Missguided.

Old Navy
Dates: Now
Sale: Up to 50% off sitewide
Promo Code: None



Old Navy Plus-Size Striped No-Peek Shirt Dress, $35, available at Old NavyPhoto Courtesy of Old Navy.

Parpala Jewelry
Dates: 2/15 - 2/19
Sale: 15% sitewide
Promo Code: HOLIDAY15



Parpala Jewelry 14K Solid Gold Letter Necklace, $191.25, available at Parpala JewelryPhoto Courtesy of Parpala Jewelry.

Sleeper
Dates: 2/4 - 2/15
Sale: 30% off when buying 2 or more pajamas
Promo Code: None



Sleeper Pink Pajama Set , $265, available at SleeperPhoto Courtesy of Sleeper.

Universal Standard
Dates: 2/14 - 2/19
Sale: $50 Limited Edition 3 piece Foundation Collection mystery box sets (Up to a $500 Value)
Promo Code: None



Universal Standard Kanda Puffer, $230, available at Universal StandardPhoto Courtesy of Universal Standard.

Valfré
Dates: 2/14 - 2/18
Sale: 30% off sitewide
Promo Code: None



Valfre Dorothy Purse, $62, available at ValfrePhoto Courtesy of Valfré.

W Concept
Dates: Now
Sale: Extended end-of-season sale, up to 71% off
Promo Code: None



Front Row Checked Cashmere Blend Jacket, $186, available at W ConceptPhoto Courtesy of W Concept.

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The Glossy Black Manicure Is Ruling New York Fashion Week

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Choosing a nail polish says a lot about what you're into at the moment, which is why we often gravitate toward pretty, seasonal colors, like sage green or rusted terracotta. Still, as good as that burnt orange looks with a pair of worn-in blue jeans, there's nothing that says "who needs trends?" quite like the classic black manicure.

Along with padded headbands and pearl-lined barrettes, black polish has become somewhat of a fashion-girl staple during New York Fashion Week this season. Inky manicures have appeared on runways and on the hands of street-style standouts, too — officially sparking a mega-trend. Whether you want to go all in with a pure pitch black or keep it subtle with emerald undertones, we compiled all the best black polishes according to the shows and nail pros, ahead.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

From the punk-rock Jeremy Scott collection to utilitarian knitwear at Proenza Schouler, the models' manicures were the same: glossy and black, courtesy of Essie's Licorice.



Essie Nail Polish in Licorice , $9, available at Ulta Beauty

If you're looking for a chic jet-black manicure without the dry time, consider a press-on option. Celebrity nail pro Gina Edwards teamed up with Kiss for the Rebecca Minkoff show, giving the models a no-commitment manicure that could be easily peeled up and off before their next show — no nail-polish remover necessary. There are a rainbow of color options (and sizes), but we're partial to smooth, shiny black.



Kiss Kiss Gel Fantasy Color Nails Aim High - 28 Ct, $7.99, available at Target

This long-wearing gel color is the exact polish nail pro Miho Okawara used to create Lady Gaga 's shiny black manicure at this year's Grammy Awards.



OPI OPI Gel Color in Black Onyx , $14.45, available at Walmart

It's impossible not to feel like a fancier version of yourself wearing an almost-black polish with undertones of emerald. "This dark green seems like black until you get up close," says nail pro and Olive & June founder Sarah Gibson Tuttle. "It’s a strong statement color and low-key chic at the same time."



Chanel Le Vernis Longwear Nail Color in Fiction, $28, available at Barneys New York

Black patent leather midi-skirts and nylon puffers are having a momentNYFW street style is proof — which is why it's no surprise we're seeing the same color trend in mani-pedis. "There’s nothing more stylish than a shiny black patent-leather nail," says nail pro Michelle Saunders. "The high shine of Lights Out by Ella + Mila reads super elegant on a manicure or pedicure."



Ella + Mila Nail Polish in Lights Out, $10.5, available at ella +mila

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11 Flower Sites For Last-Minute Valentine's Day Redemption

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Valentine's Day is a mere few days away, so it's theoretically time to rally on the gift-buying front. But in reality, we'll probably put off our purchases until the last possible moment...Because instead of suave cupids, we're self-sabotaging procrastinators. If you find yourself in a similar pickle come February 13 (or even 14), don't beat yourself up about it! Instead scroll forward for a fast and easy solution: 11 top sites that deliver more than just V-Day blooms, these online flower shops send last-minute redemption.

Don't waste time weeding through a mess of hit-or-miss florist options in your Google search bar, because we've curated a chic list right here. And, yes, they ship nationwide. These online bouquet curators are sustainably sourced, uniquely designed, and can be ordered from the comfort of your own couch within days (even down to the day) of the upcoming love-soaked celebration. What we lack in thoughtful pre-planning, we more than make up for in speedy online problem solving.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

The Bouqs Co.

Best For
Artisan "farm to table" floral arrangements that are cut and shipped to order from local sustainable florists across the country.

Delivery
Nationwide shipments with delivery dates as soon as next-day depending upon bouquet selection and availability.

Price
Ranging from $50 to $80 with free shipping for site members (vase fee not included).

Photo: Courtesy of The Bouqs Co.

Lula's Garden

Best For
Simple, stylish, and eco-friendly succulent garden gift boxes complete with care kits.

Delivery
Nationwide shipments with three-day delivery and same-day delivery available in L.A.

Price
Ranging from $25 to $85 with additional shipping and handling costs dependent upon delivery areas.

Photo: Courtesy of Lula's Garden.

Floom

Best For
Amazon-like ordering ease with boutique, cool-girl blooms that are sourced from locally-curated florists.

Delivery
NYC delivery only with same-day available up until 1 p.m. on Valentine's Day.

Price
Ranging from $79 to $150 with additional shipping and handling costs dependent upon delivery date ($14.99 for next-day and $19.99 for same-day deliveries).

Photo: Courtesy of Floom.

Farmgirl Flowers

Best For
Daily-designed seasonal bouquets (sourced from ethical growers) wrapped in local roasters' burlap coffee bags for a rustic feel.

Delivery
Nationwide shipments with delivery as soon as same-day within San Francisco and overnight to two-day availability in all other states.

Price
Ranging from $48 to $175 with additional shipping and handling costs dependent upon delivery areas (vase fee not included).

Photo: Courtesy of Farmgirl Flowers.

UrbanStems

Best For
Sustainably sourced and originally arranged bouquets with limited edition offerings from featured designers and influencers.

Delivery
Nationwide shipments with free next-day delivery; free same-day delivery available in NYC and D.C.

Price
Ranging from $55 to $138 with free delivery (premium vase fee included in Vogue Collection bouquets).

Photo: Courtesy of UrbanStems.

Boxed

Best For
Standard beautiful blooms in vase arrangements that aren't subject to surge pricing closer to the actual holiday.

Delivery
Nationwide shipments with deliveries in two days or less.

Price
Ranging from $49.99 to $141.95 with vase and delivery fees included.

Photo: Courtesy of Boxed.

The Sill

Best For
A unique selection of succulents, air plants, and other greenery with artfully-designed ceramic planters.

Delivery
Nationwide shipments with express deliveries received in 1-2 days and standard deliveries in 3-5 days.

Price
Ranging from $9 to $52 with an additional $8 standard shipping fee or free shipping on orders over $75.

Photo: Courtesy of The Sill.

FTD

Best For
A curated selection of brightly designed bouquets with additional gourmet gift options (cake pops to chocolates, artisanal snacks, succulents, and more.).

Delivery
Nationwide shipments for next-day deliveries and same-day deliveries available only in San Francisco, L.A., and NYC.

Price
Ranging from $28 to $127 with additional shipping and handling costs dependent upon delivery areas (vase fee not included).

Photo: Courtesy of FTD.

H.Bloom

Best For
Modern, chic, and almost architectural floral arrangements designed by bloom professionals across the country.

Delivery
Nationwide shipments with next-day delivery available depending on zip code.

Price
Ranging from $65 to $300 with vase fee included and additional shipping and handling costs dependent upon delivery areas.

Photo: Courtesy of H.Bloom.

KaBloom

Best For
Fast and fresh floral arrangements sourced from sustainable farm partners with optional gift add-ons (gourmet goods, succulents, etc.).

Delivery
Nationwide delivery with same-day delivery available depending upon zip code.

Price
Ranging from $24.99 to $64.99 with additional shipping and handling costs dependent upon delivery areas (vase fee not included).

Photo: Courtesy of KaBloom.

1-800-Flowers.com

Best For
Classic Valentine's-themed floral arrangements spanning from double-dozens of long-stemmed roses to romantic designer's choice medleys along with edible gourmet gift options (chocolate-dipped strawberries, chocolate-covered Oreos, brownie cakes, etc.).

Delivery
Nationwide delivery with same-day delivery available depending upon zip code.

Price
Ranging from $29.99 to $289.99 with additional shipping and handling costs dependent upon delivery areas (vase fee not included).

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21 Food Gifts We're Crushing On This Valentine's Day

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Food and Valentine's Day are basically the oldest of old married couples. The two have gone hand in hand since we can remember and one without the other just doesn't quite make much sense. So when you think about it that way, V-Day doesn't have to revolve solely around romantic relationships. We are in full favor of supporting the other half of this enduring holiday matrimony! This year, we'll be celebrating a different type of love. The love our foodie companions. And what better way to do that than with 18 crave-worthy and edible-inspired gifts?

Ahead you'll find 21 gourmet goodies that go way beyond a box of OG Russell Stover's (although tbh, we heart those too). The best of the best in bubbly, festively flavored chocolates, mochi mugs and more that we are definitely down to crush. So honor your fellow foodies on your V-Day anniversary – or just honor yourself, really. Because there's no day like February 14th to enjoy a bouquet of fresh-baked and dog-shaped cookies.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

For Your Sweet (Who's Also Salty)
Let these caramel-dipped, chocolate-drizzled, and candy-studded pretzel sticks say (and taste) it all.



1-800-Baskets.com Valentine's Day Gourmet Pretzel Rods, $34.99, available at Cheryl's

For Your Pancake Person
This gift goes out to that sweet someone you'd share a syrupy stack with.



Stonewall Kitchen Pancake Crate Gift, $31.95, available at Stonewall Kitchen

For Your Marie Kondo-Box Buddy
This colored-coordinated candy tackle box is an compartment-lover's dream.



Dylan's Candy Bar Tackle Box, $26, available at Dylan's Candy Bar

For Your Pen Pal
Send them an edible love letter from around the world on February 14.



Neuhaus Love Letter Heart Chocolates Box (15pc), $42.99, available at Simply Chocolate

For Your Wino
What's better than wine? Wine with a side of charcuterie.



Multiple Brands 90 Point B Side Cabernet & Cheese Board Gift Set, $59, available at Wine.com

For Your Fries-First Friend
This British baking company offers worldwide shipping on these VIP, tasty V-Day biscuits.



Biscuiteers fries before guys letterbox biscuit, $10.29, available at Biscuiteers

For Your Chip-Chomping Chum
Potato chips are entirely gift-worthy when imported from Spain and seasoned with a blend of black truffle, Iberico ham, sparkling wine, and Mediterranean herbs.



Torres Potato Chips Imported From Spain (8-Bag Variety Pack), $28.99, available at Amazon

For Your Oreo OG
A gift your childhood pals will cherish — dipped in mugs of milk, of course.



Philadelphia Candies Milk Chocolate-Covered Oreo Cookies (8 oz), $14.95, available at Amazon

For Your Coffee Companion
Sudden Coffee brews the best beans around and then distills them down into instant capsules for an easy, elevated, and machine-free cup of Joe — anytime, anywhere.



Sudden Coffee 8-cup Pack, $20, available at Sudden Coffee

For Your Friend Who Loves Furry-Friends
Ship them a bouquet of freshly-baked, pup-shaped cookies for the ultimate V-Day treat.



Cookies By Design Puppy Love Cookie Bouquet, $47.99, available at Cookies By Design

Your Salt Bae
These travel-sized tins are filled to the brim with gourmet, flaky sea-salt for seasoning on-the-go.



Maldon Maldon Salt Travel Tin, 2-Pack , $7.99, available at Amazon

For Your Sweetest Sidekick
Gift this little box of kiss-shaped chocolates as the sweetest surprise.



Veruca Chocolates Chocolate Lips, $16, available at Mouth

For Your Pizza Pal
Because hungry hearts always beat as one.



Urban Outfitters Fine Pizza A$$ Valentine’s Day Card, $6, available at Suburban Riot

For Your Chocolate Comrade
When regular chocolates fail to impress, send a half-dozen box of hand-dipped, Belgian-chocolate berries instead.



Shari's Berries Half Dozen Hand-Dipped Belgian Chocolate Strawberries, $39.99, available at Shari's Berries

For Your Rosé All Day-er
Or in this case, all season-er.



Sugarfina Rosé All Day Bears, $8.5, available at Sugarfina

For Your Cookie Companion
Say it simply with an assorted box of fresh-baked beauties.



David's Cookies Fresh Baked Mini Cookies Tin (54 Cookies), $29.95, available at David's Cookies

For Your Bacon Bud
Gift these delectable little cups to your sweet swine.



Black Pig Meat Co. Chicharron Peanut Butter Cups (3 Pack), $33, available at Amazon

For Your Tea Timer
Anti-tins of chocolate, pro-tins of tea.



Kusmi Tea Sweet Love, $38.9, available at Kusmi Tea

For Your Honey
These decadent dark chocolate squares are filled with wildflower honey-infused caramel and crunchy pieces of brown crisped rice.



Money On Honey Dark Chocolate Wildflower Honey Caramels, $34.46, available at Amazon

For Your Main Mochi
The mug says it all.



TheRoseShop I Love You So Mochi, Coffee Mug, $17.98, available at Amazon

For Your Candy Crush
Sometimes the best gifts are stuffed inside a jar.



Reese's Glass Candy Jar, $39.99, available at Old Time Candy

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A Comprehensive Guide To The Biggest Trends Of Fashion Week

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There are trends during fashion week that are loud. They come down the runway, catch your attention, and every show thereafter features that trend. Other trends are quiet; they tiptoe and sneak in — only to pop up in your head later, after the rush of NYFW has subsided and you've caught your breath. There’s no real hierarchy between the trends that are obvious and the ones that are more subtle. The obvious ones you might spot in fast-fashion stores soon, while the subtle ones might stay dormant for a few months until they break out in a big way.

Over 35 shows later, we've found the trends that will be dictating the clothing we wear for the rest of 2019 (and early 2020). Brainstorm with us: Which of these trends resonate with you? Which ones will you be trying out ASAP?

Click through for the full list of trends that will be making the rounds this season.

Medieval Times

The Renaissance Woman, v. 2019. She's a multi-hyphenate capable of doing it all. Botticelli, paint me in one of these puffy sleeved dresses with lace-up corseting.

Khaite

Brock Collection

Photo: Imaxtree

Priscavera

Photo: Mitchel Sams

Candy Leather

Neutral leathers on the runway are the consistent, friendly face we're always overjoyed to see. But the dependable material is getting a colorful upgrade and we're open to trying Fanta grape purps, forest green and much more.

Sies Marjan

Photo by Victor VIRGILE/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images

Tibi

Photo by JP Yim/Getty Images

Khaite

Photo: Imaxtree

American Gothic

We suddenly feel the urge to listen to My Chemical Romance and shop at Hot Topic.

Zimmermann

Gypsy Sport

Priscavera

Photo: Mitchel Sams

Study Buddies

Feelin' the need for tweed. Whether you're checking out a full set of encyclopedias or studying up on RBG's autobiography, you can do it while wearing head-to-toe houndstooth. The style may be loud, but please keep quiet. Others are studying.

Area

Photo: Imaxtree

Brock Collection

Photo: Imaxtree

Prabal Gurung

Neon Carrot

The once-polarizing color is making a big, nutrient-rich splash this season. With a color that makes a statement on its own, the styling can be simple or mixed with other warm colors.

Carolina Herrera

Photo by JP Yim/Getty Images for TRESemme

Christian Cowan

Photo by Ron Adar/WireImage

Oscar de la Renta

Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images for TRESemme

Zebra

Beware: Zebra crossing. Herds are migrating their way through the grasslands of NYC. The print is making appearances on bags and tall boots à la Maryam Nassir Zadeh — but more importantly, it's taking up major real estate on the clothes.

3.1 Phillip Lim

Photo: Imaxtree

Proenza Schouler

Coach

Photo by Victor VIRGILE/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images

Fluff Yeah!

Your loofah made the great escape from your bathroom and found its way to Fashion Week! We can't wait to dress up as a big ol' puff, either through layers of mille-feuille, tulle, organza or a statement ruffle.

Tomo Koizumi

Photo by Steven Ferdman/Getty Images

Sies Marjan

Photo by Victor VIRGILE/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images

Cuddle Up Coats

Last year we had the quilted skirt, and this year designers are kicking up the quilts even more. We're unsure if the inspiration stems from liner jackets, bathrobes, or just the safety and comfort of your own bed.

Rachel Comey

Prabal Gurung

Eckhaus Latta

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We Tried Tarte's New Face Tape Foundation — & Here's What We Really Think

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Welcome to Unfiltered, where we give our honest, no-B.S. reviews of the most buzzed-about beauty products, brands, and services on the market right now.

In 2019, makeup companies have zero excuses when it comes to product inclusivity. And after facing controversy last year with a very limited shade range in the much-anticipated Shape Tape Foundation — a product inspired by the best-selling Shape Tape Contour Concealer — Tarte set out to start anew. This month, the company is removing the embattled Shape Tape Foundation off of shelves and launching the Face Tape foundation with a different name, new packaging, an updated formula, and a wider shade range.

The Face Tape full-coverage foundation, which launches next week, will have 50 shades with a range of undertones — a major difference from Shape Tape's previous 15 options. And with so many shades, Tarte created a new system that mixes numbers and undertone letters to make it easier to find your match.

But, of course, we had to put the new-and-improved Face Tape to the test — there is a lot of skepticism surrounding this launch, after all. So, we asked several R29 staffers to find their shade and try out the renovated formula. Read their unfiltered opinions, ahead.

Tarte's Face Tape Foundation ($39) will be available on February 17 at tarte.com and ulta.com.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

Thatiana Diaz, Beauty Writer

Shade: 38N

"With the bitter taste of last year's shade controversy still lingering in my subconscious, I was wary of this new Face Tape. But I was able to find my exact shade — which almost never happens. Plus, the fact that it's full coverage helped me warm up to the thought of this foundation being a keeper. It covered everything on my face — I'm talking redness and serious hormonal acne — and it lasted through two trips in snow. I wouldn't make this my everyday coverage since it's on the heavier side, but something like a night out, this could definitely be a winner."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Channing Hargrove, Fashion Writer

Shade: 57S

"I've actually never used anything Tarte. And I'm not going to lie, I side-eye brands that suddenly discovered there are women with deeper skin tones. However, aside from the confusion I faced from the numbering system, I will say that I do love the foundation. I liked the way the formula applied, and the typical oil slick didn't break through my T-zone in the middle of the day. At the end of the day, my face still looked really good."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Samantha Sasso, Beauty Writer

Shade: 16N

"When I used to prefer full-coverage makeup over little to nothing at all, the Shape Tape concealer was my jam, so I'm not all that surprised the foundation accomplishes a similar effect: it literally covers everything. Dab it all over your face with a damp makeup sponge and the stuff will melt right into your skin, offering just the right amount of pimple-hiding coverage. And if you're someone who does wear makeup every day, and a lot of it, you can rest easy knowing a teeny-tiny bit of this foundation goes a long way, so you won't have to run to Sephora for a refill sooner than you'd like."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Diana Cenat, Executive Assistant

Shade: 53H

"I wasn’t expecting to find a perfect match with this foundation, so when I did, it was a pleasant surprise. The color blended well, and the foundation does a good job when it comes to coverage. I do find the formula a bit drying, so this would be more of a summer product for me."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Carolyn Negri, Freelance Associate Project Manager

Shades (Mixed): 51N, 53G

"I had to mix two shades to strike the right balance — one with golden undertones and another with a lighter, more neutral shade. As a proud member of the the oily skin gang, the matte finish didn’t keep my shine at bay, which I was okay with since I prefer a dewier finish, but it may not be right for those who prefer the matte look."

"I will say that the foundation provided the perfect base to apply the other elements of my makeup routine. It was incredibly easy to blend in my concealer, then apply blush, and highlight without looking like I had applied too much makeup."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Serena Kerrigan, Associate Producer & On-Air Talent

Shade: 29N

"I usually don't go for full-coverage foundations because they make me look like I'm caked out and ready to star in a Broadway show. However, this product took me by surprise. I used my fingers to apply, and it didn't come out thick or pasty. The foundation was smooth and easily blendable. While it has provided great coverage (especially to my week-old zit that refuses to leave me alone), it doesn't look like I painted my face at all. This is the perfect coverage for a big night out or for one of my many Instagram photo shoots. I've always stanned Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk, but this one might take the cake (pun intended)."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Aimee Simeon, Beauty Writer

Shade: 47S

"I put Face Tape on at 8 a.m., and what you’re looking at is my face at 6 p.m. — after being in a humid office for hours and commuting in gross hail and snow — with zero setting powder, setting spray, or touch-ups throughout the day. Not too bad if you ask me. The coverage in this new foundation is full, which I love, but it might be intense if you’re used to a lighter finish."

"I think it blended well and didn’t dry down too quickly, like other formulas that I’ve used. The shade that I picked out was a tad light, but I was able to easily warm up my complexion with bronzer and blush. I may go back to the drawing boar, and test a shade up to be safe. However, I was pleasantly surprised with the formula given Shape Tape’s track record."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Mi-Anne Chan, Beauty Writer & Host

Shade: 22N

"If I'm being honest, I'm not a huge fan of Shape Tape concealer (don't @ me). I find the oversized applicator cumbersome and the formula cakey, so I was a little apprehensive going into this foundation trial. But this stuff is quality. It has all the elements a good full-coverage foundation should have — it covers well and hangs around for hours — but it can also be sheered out, especially if you're applying with a damp sponge. I've been wearing it all week to and from events and fashion shows, and it has held up spectacularly."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Katie Cruz, Associate Social Media Editor

Shade: 18B

"I’m not gonna lie, I was scared to try this foundation. This winter weather has made my skin terribly dry, and I was worried this formula would just suck out any of the remaining moisture in my face, but I’m happy to report that it hasn’t. I do find it drier than what I usually go for in a foundation, but if you’re looking for a matte option to cover up any nasty lil' spots you want to hide, this coverage is for you. I personally wouldn’t use this for an everyday look, but I'd definitely use for an outing."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Rachel Lubitz, Senior Beauty Writer

Shade: 15S

"When I first started patting this on, I was pretty encouraged. It's full coverage, which I need because of my acne at the moment, and it seemed to seamlessly blend into my skin. But then the smell hit me. It reminded me of the scent of my elementary school, which was a not-so-charming mix of cleaning supplies and plastic chairs. After a few hours of wear, I also found it to be a bit drying on my skin. However, I will say that, when it comes to coverage, this product is the real deal."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Ariana Romero, TV Writer

Shade: 35G

"If there is ever a time to test foundation, it's right now. Not only is this February snow battering me in the face, but I’m also dealing with a random nose blemish and battling my annual winter cold. Could the Face Tape stand up to that very serious challenge? Mostly, yes. The foundation stayed intact against the constant assault of Angel Soft tissues. The only placed that smudged was on my nose, where my glasses rest on my face."

"However, I really appreciate all the work Tarte put in to making sure I found the precise correct shade with their shade guide. As someone who usually buys a shade darker than my natural coloring to hide my dark spots, it was nice to know I was using the exact right shade with the kind coverage that makes me comfortable. Especially since most foundation puts a damper on my extremely gold undertones."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

Hannah Bullion, Associate Social Media Editor

Shade: 20B

"Off the bat, I was super nervous to try this foundation — mostly because I'm dealing with awful dry, winter skin. But after putting this foundation on after a layer of hydrating serum, facial oil, and moisturizer, I was really happy with the finish. Even in our dry AF office, it looks matte but not dehydrated. When I went to take this selfie, I was genuinely shocked at how naturally flawless my skin looked. After a full day of wear, my skin definitely started to look a little crusty, but I think it's due to my skin rather than the foundation itself. All in all, I probably wouldn't wear this every day (especially in the winter), but if it was for a special occasion, this would definitely be my go-to."



Tarte face tape foundation, $39, available at Tarte

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Jetting Off For The Long Weekend? These Are The Shoes You Should Be Traveling In

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While we might still be caught up in ensuring that Valentine's Day goes off without a hitch, by the time your head hits the pillow tomorrow night, it'll be on to the next thing. Which, thanks to President's Day, are our long weekend getaway plans. Turning Galentine's Day into Galentine's weekend? Planning a surprise romantic getaway for two? Sneaking off for a post-NYFW spa weekend? No matter where you're jetting off to or why, it's always best to do so in style.

Whether you're taking a PJ to Solvang or flying commercial like everyone who's not Lala Kent, there's a trick to dressing for the ride. So to make your President's Day Weekend that much better, we're dishing out some advice on what to wear for your journey ahead — or more specifically, what shoes to wear. After all, your feet take a beating running from terminal to terminal, lugging (too many) bags up the escalator and, perhaps worst of all, standing in line for hours on end.

Simply put, you're looking for a pair of shoes that isn't tricky to pull on and off, gives you plenty of support and looks cute on any occasion (you never know when the airline will lose your luggage). Ahead are 20 pairs of shoes that check off all your travel day boxes. So go, enjoy your weekend, and do so without needing a foot massage at the end of it all (but definitely don't complain if one is offered).

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

Chelsea Boots
We would simply say ankle boots, but all that lacing up and zipping down takes time during the TSA check. Instead, we're suggesting you don your pull-on-and-go Chelsea boots to ensure a quick and easy trip through the line (on a holiday weekend? As if!).



& Other Stories Square Toe Leather Boots, $179, available at & Other StoriesPhoto Courtesy of & Other Stories.

Mules
It might not look like it right now, but spring is coming, which, among other things, means we can finally show off a little bit of ankle and stop wearing boots day in and day out. Not only do mules make for an excellent outfit enhancer, they also just so happen to be easy to slip on and off in tricky travel situations.



byFAR Kim Mules, $413.7, available at byFARPhoto Courtesy of By Far.

Sneakers
Do I really have to explain why sneakers are the end-all-be-all travel shoe? They're comfortable, very on-trend (especially the extra dad-like ones) and are easy to take on and off. Win, win, win!



Adidas LX Con Sneakers, $120, available at Opening CeremonyPhoto Courtesy of Opening Ceremony.

Clogs
Why do you think clogs are synonymous with hippie culture? Duh — it's because they're comfortable. Throw on a pair with some fun, patterned socks (because airport floors are hardly sanitary) and you're good to go.



No. 6 Old School Clog, $285, available at No. 6Photo Courtesy of No. 6.

Flats
Flats — more specifically, ballet flats — aren't the same as they used to be. Elevated with quilted details, patent finishes and bow decals, paired with some vintage jeans and an oversized sweater, ballet flats are the perfect travel-day footwear.



Miu Miu Double-Buckle Cap-Toe Vinyl Flats, $690, available at Barneys New YorkPhoto Courtesy of Barneys New York.

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Valentine's Day is one of those things, like sushi or Pete Davidson, that you either love or really hate — for good reason. If you're blissfully matched, February 14th is an excuse to get dressed up, drink a little too much Champagne and pull out that sexy little lingerie set you got on markdown during one of last month's Boxing Day sale s. But, if you're not romantically attached, it can be kind of cringey. Or rather, it was, until people (a.k.a. the writers behind Parks and Recreation) wised up and created a holiday just for us singles to celebrate with the people we are attached to: our best friends.

Galentine's Day, a mock-holiday turned real holiday (sort of) got its start when Amy Poehler's Parks protagonist, Leslie Knope, gave us a new reason to get brunch with our friends and give out kitschy gifts. According to Knope, "it's like Lilith Fair, but with frittatas." Need we say more? Falling on February 13th, this soon-to-be national holiday is officially here. So to help you get your BFFs one hell of a Galentine's Day gift, we've picked out 29 items that are sure to impress.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Wore Berry Lipstick — & Now We Want To Wear It, Too

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Even before she formally became a congresswoman, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was already a beauty icon, with a bright red lip that led thousands to Google, "What lipstick is AOC wearing?" The answer for those still wondering: It's Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick in Beso, a true red that has since sold out (over and over again) at Sephora. Call it the AOC effect.

And while it was already her signature on the campaign trail, Rep. Ocasio-Cortez's red lip has grown more iconic by the day. At her swearing-in ceremony, she said the color was a nod to a bold beauty decision made by another powerful woman in politics. "Lip [and] hoops were inspired by Sonia Sotomayor, who was advised to wear neutral-colored nail polish to her confirmation hearings to avoid scrutiny," Rep. Ocasio-Cortez wrote on Twitter. "She kept her red."

But on Wednesday, Rep. Ocasio-Cortez switched up her signature lipstick for another equally bold shade: a vibrant berry that perfectly matched her burgundy turtleneck and blazer. It's a look she's worn publicly once before, and exactly the mood-lifting beauty inspiration we need in this constantly tumultuous political era. While we anxiously wait for her to confirm the shade, we decided to round up a few of our favorite berry lipsticks to help you channel AOC's vibes until then. Lord knows, we could use them.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

But first, a clearer look at the color we're referring to. In a video on Twitter announcing that she'll be on the premiere of the late-night talk show Desus & Mero, Rep. Ocasio-Cortez showed off her new magenta-berry lip.

Instagram

Knowing her taste, we'd say there's a good chance that this lipstick is a variation of her favorite Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick formula. The shades Paradiso (a dark cranberry) and Bacca (a bright raspberry) are best paired with a power blazer.



Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick - Bacca , $22, available at Sephora

For a more budget-friendly option, NYX has a similar lipstick called Monte Carlo that's matte without being drying, provides long-lasting rich color, and unbelievably goes for less than $4.



NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream - Monte Carlo, $3.52, available at Amazon

If you're a person who really wants their lipstick to last — like, you want to wake up, eat, drink, and then eat some more without ever having to reapply — then this formula from Maybelline is as good as it gets. The shade Founder toes the line between berry and magenta, making it the ideal winter red.



Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink - Founder , $9.49, available at Ulta Beauty

Nars lip crayon in Damned, a rich Merlot, is the perfect pop of color against an all-black outfit (or the puffy winter coat you wish you didn't have to wear).



NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil - Damned , $27, available at Ulta Beauty

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Let Me Tell You About My Friend Maria Butina

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Gay Talese told me I was getting the story wrong. We were sitting next to each other at a sprawling wooden table at Morso, a Manhattan restaurant so far east I could see the Queensboro Bridge stretching into Queens from the window.

This meeting between me, a recent college graduate, and one of world’s most renowned journalists was organized by the now-indicted conservative political operative Paul Erickson, who worked mostly in the shadows to establish connections between the National Rifle Association (NRA), Republicans, and possibly Russia. My mother had met him at a seminar during their 25th Yale college reunion in 2009. He had made her laugh with a characteristically wildly clever joke; by the end of the day, he’d charmed his way into becoming an honorary member of the family.

After the reunion, Paul would punctuate months of silence with spontaneous (and ostentatious) activities for our family, like dinner at Sardi’s, a trip to Disney World, or a dinner with Gay Talese, whom he’d met during the trials of John Wayne Bobbitt in 1993. (Paul was Bobbitt’s media manager and spearheading his “Love Hurts” campaign; Talese was working on a 10,000-word story about the Bobbitts that would never run.)

This roundabout convergence brings us to that snowy evening in March 2017, when Talese told me I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, which was my friend Maria Butina, then 29. Like always, her long, red hair tumbled past her shoulders. She wore no makeup. Just an expression.

“You’re a reporter, right?” Talese asked. I nodded. I had just started my job as an entertainment writer at Refinery29, a publication he’d never heard of. Gay flicked his head toward Maria. She stared back at him with the intensity of someone who knows they are the subject of another person’s conversation. And no one could stare quite like Maria. In an instant or in an angle, her face could switch from bright wonder to an expression that seemed more hawk than woman.

“There’s your story. Her,” he said. “Why can’t this woman, this beautiful Russian woman, get a date?” He began sketching out his vision for a bombshell magazine article: She’s a Russian woman studying politics in Washington, D.C., months after the presidential election, a time when Russia is accused of interfering in American politics. She’s getting in heated fights with her classmates. She’s too busy defending her honor as a Russian to date.

“Write about the dating struggles of a Russian sexpot in D.C.,” he proclaimed, making eye contact with me for the first time that evening.

As Gay spoke, I watched the expressions of some people at the table freeze in degrees of bemusement and discomfort. My mom smirked. My dad, next to me, squirmed at the mention of sex. And Paul Erickson, sitting next to my mother, barely moved.

We all knew something Gay did not: Maria wasn’t single at all. She was dating Paul Erickson, a man nearly double her age. Paul’s stone face, usually on the cusp of a smile, made that much clear.

The story sitting in front of us, of course, was never why Maria Butina couldn’t get a date. No, I now know the real story was that Maria Butina is an alleged Russian spy — and that she had been my friend while she was purportedly working to influence American politics to be sympathetic to Russian interests at the height of the 2016 presidential election.

That was one of the last nights I saw either of them in person.

I first met Maria Butina at the arrivals terminal of the Orlando airport in 2015. She and Paul were sitting in the front of a large white van, which they’d rented to drive my family to a hotel outside of Disney World. They were wearing matching Mickey and Minnie Mouse hats.

We’d been hearing about Maria since Paul, the forever bachelor, appeared in our backyard in the summer of 2014 moonstruck with tales of a woman who shared his values and interest in guns. Maria was the founder of the Right to Bear Arms, a gun rights group that lobbied to end Russia’s strict restrictions on firearms. Although my family was comprised of four people who teared up when President Barack Obama gave speeches, Paul was so charming we overlooked his work for the NRA as if it were a genetic quirk that couldn’t be helped. His political views emerged in small puffs that dissipated over laughter and more exciting conversation — like this story.

Paul and Maria met in Moscow at a meeting of the Right to Bear Arms in November 2013, then reunited in Israel a few weeks later to be together on New Year’s Eve. It was all very fast and very romantic. In my head, I pictured a Russian starlet with deep red lipstick and a past of which she did not speak.

But that was not who I saw standing outside the van in Orlando. Here was a girl only six years older than me, wearing a princess T-shirt and blue jean cut-off shorts. Her entire personality in that moment boiled down to, “Excited to go to Disney World.” In contrast, Paul, then 53, seemed unbearably old, with his yellow buck teeth poking from his gums at jagged angles, and the last strands of his ridiculous haircut moments away from skipping town. “Come on,” I wanted to say to her. “Let’s Thelma and Louise out of here.” I had red lipstick in my back pocket, I really did.

What I know now: Maria’s feet were in concrete. She wasn’t going anywhere. But don’t feel bad — she put them there. After knowing Paul for some years, Maria moved to America in 2016 on a student visa. While she was studying at American University, she was also cavorting with politicians in meetings brokered by Paul. As with the day we met them, it appeared their daily activities comprised of a whirlwind of buzzwords like Republican party, National Prayer Breakfast, and gun rights, but we had no way of knowing specifics. Until the torrent of recent coverage, both Maria and Paul were virtually scrubbed from the internet (back in 2009, I’d scoured the internet for what Paul did for a living and found nothing but some mentions in South Dakota clips — turns out he didn’t put “conman” on his LinkedIn).

Before Orlando, Paul told us Maria’s biography in disjointed snippets. Snippets that, when sewn together, never smoothed to a cohesive timeline. Maria was raised in Siberia. Paul told us that when he visited her family in Russia, he used the outdoor sauna and her parents smacked him with wooden sticks, a Russian tradition. She only saw her parents once a year, a fact which saddened her greatly. She started a furniture-store chain in her early 20s. At some point, she became the president of the Russian equivalent of the NRA, which explained the glamour shots of her holding machine guns. She was close to Alexander Torshin, a prominent Russian banker with ties to President Vladimir Putin, and longtime NRA donor. Currently, Torshin is at the center of an FBI investigation into whether Russian money funneled into the NRA went onto the Trump campaign.

Actually, together, she and Paul knew a lot of people. That’s what they seemed to do, most of the time. Fly from person to person. After our dinner with Gay Talese in 2017, for example, they were in a rush to get back to D.C. to “help” with President Donald Trump's transition.

For the next four days in Orlando in 2015, they were putting down their political agendas, and we were putting down our suburban lives, for a week of no-politics Disney World activities. They pretended we weren’t liberals, we tuned out Paul’s comments on "family values.” In exchange, we had fun. We swam with dolphins. When Maria chipped her tooth and missed a day at the park — an excuse that now seems suspect — my sister charmed the Magic Kingdom ticket-takers with our travails and shuttled us to the front of every line. After riding Space Mountain, Maria turned to me and said solemnly, “That was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

It was fun. After scampering through five Orlando parks with Maria, my sister and I were undeniably bonded to our new Russian friend. She was kind, and eager, and stared at me solemnly when I spoke. I found it improbable that she, this woman who was only a few years older than me yet lived a much bigger life, would take me, a college student, so seriously when I spoke. Naturally, I couldn’t stop speaking to her.

“Thank you, Elena, for your ‘big sister’ demeanor that Maria so identified with — she saw in you several of the things that she tries to do with her own younger sister (and learned several things that she never imagined),” Paul wrote in an email after the trip. When I think of her, I cloak her with the forgiving fondness of someone I once loved.

The next time I saw Maria was at my graduation party in June 2016. She and Paul didn’t RSVP. They drove from D.C. to my house in New Jersey and surprised us by strutting into the backyard wearing togas, a nod to my family’s Greek background. Their sudden appearance two hours into the party elicited audible shrieks of glee. Paul and Maria were known for these kind of stunts: They brought “arrrrr-rated” pirate costumes along for their Disney cruise, according to Paul’s email, and serenaded each other with songs from Beauty and the Beast.

At the party, Maria sat on a chaise lounge in the shade and provided free entertainment. Maria’s credentials as a psychic were mysterious but rendered believable by her unwavering, serious tone — just like her entire biography. “The powers of a white witch skip a generation,” she said, before taking my palm into hers. “My grandmother taught me.”

She stared at my palm and paused with the anticipation of an awards show presenter. “You are definitely a cheater,” she pronounced, eventually. “One hundred percent a cheater. You will definitely cheat on your husband.” I was 22, and by then had gone to countless palm readers down the Jersey shore and in small storefronts in suburban towns. None had unrolled fortunes with such matter-of-factness. She proceeded to unspool similarly merciless fortunes to the rest of my friends brave enough to face her firing squad. She told one girl she wouldn’t get married, but would have one child, “at best.” Another, that she would forever fight with her parents.

Nearby, Paul charmed a table of my friends with stories of celebrities he’d met while working the Oscars. None of them were verifiable; all of them were fascinating. Briefly, the conversation turned to the media spectacle that was the run-up to the 2016 presidential election. Paul dismissed any talk of competition with a flick of his hand. “Trump’s going to win,” he said, confidently. I rolled my eyes. He sounded like a conspiracy theorist.

Or, he sounded like someone who knew what he was talking about. After all, what was it, exactly, that had been keeping him so purposeful ever since we’d met him? Paul wasn’t plugged into conventional worries. He had a big life, without the trappings of a desk job or a 401k to fill. He supposedly had money in the Bakken oil fields and elder-care homes (now revealed to be part of his long-running fraud). He had stories.

But which of his stories were true? Did he really spend his summers in college fighting Communists abroad? Did he really fly Green Day out for his niece’s birthday party in South Dakota? Who did he know? Who was he? Before, those questions were like pestering flies that I flicked away so I could pay attention to the glitz of it all.

Now that his stories of NRA meetings and the Russian government were converging oddly with current events, I snapped to attention. Namely, what were the “meetings” he was constantly referencing, in-between his bursts of booming laughter and fast-paced spouts of celebrity gossip? Why did they interrupt our dinner at Orlando’s Bahama Breeze to briefly meet with that Russian couple? Later, when photographic evidence of Maria meeting with Donald Trump Jr. and other GOP and NRA officials emerged, I wasn’t surprised. I was relieved. I was right.

With every new article about Maria that comes out, I get texts from people who were at the party. “Is that the lady who read my palm and said I’d fight with my parents until I died?” my friend asked. I responded with an affirmative in all-caps. Their glum fortunes pale next to the thrill of having been palm-to-palm with something big.

In May of 2017, Paul and Maria once again drove to my New Jersey home, this time for my sister’s graduation party. Same routine, different president — Paul had been right, after all. The pieces were coming together for us, now. Suddenly, all of Paul’s off-hand remarks about Russia and the president seemed less like good guesses and more like insider knowledge. My friends and I whispered about what Paul and Maria knew, and deliberately took pictures with Maria’s brimmed hat and Paul’s pink shirt in the background so that one day, we could say we were there.

After my sister’s graduation party, I became consumed with following news that most people hadn’t caught up to yet. I set notifications for Paul Erickson and Maria Butina. During long walks with my ex-boyfriend, who had spoken to Paul about oil futures at the party, I catalogued all the new information I’d gathered from Twitter sleuths and extremely early reports in The Daily Beast. He thought I was exaggerating, as he always did.

But something was coming. The buzzwords on the news were the same words that Maria and Paul had shadily been floating around for years. Eventually, someone with access to information would add up what I never could. Someone would situate the nuggets of information Paul and Maria had been dropping cryptically around us for years into a big picture, one that involved the United States and Russia, the GOP and billionaires, power and nefariousness. My own homespun crazy wall could only lead to one conclusion: Something was up.

Not long after my boyfriend and I broke up, Maria Butina was charged with conspiracy and acting as an unregistered foreign agent. I didn’t even have to text him a petty and victorious, “I told you so.” The front-page story about Maria Butina’s alleged subtle campaign to influence the far-right in the New York Times did it for me.

Amid the swirl of coverage about Maria and Paul that began in fall of last year, I return to that tense dinner with Gay Talese as the grounding moment. That night, we sat at a table raised inches off the ground, as if we were actors in a play.

Gay forced me to admit there was a story on my hands, though not the one he had in mind. That evening, I understood definitively that Maria and Paul were plugged into something wide-reaching, powerful, and scary. They were of the string-pulling class, whose actions would have reverberating effects on the rest of our lives. They embodied the shadow connections that tied the Christian right to the Russians, which potentially culminated to the election of Trump. They knew things I didn’t.

Back then, I knew the story of Paul Erickson and Maria Butina would end interestingly, though I couldn’t predict how. Two years later, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I may never know what they were actually up to. Is Maria a spy who seduced Paul? Is she a scapegoat? Is Paul the architect of some decades-long political scheme, or is just a skillful swindler, fooling me into reading my life as a fascinating story instead of a long dupe? How many lives did he unravel with his money-laundering scheme? And, as many pundits are already wondering, will any of these revelations topple Trump?

The mass of questions is tangled, thorny, and probably juicier than anything Paul Erickson could’ve come up with in one of his tales.

Last week, Paul was indicted for running a 22-year-long fraudulent financial scheme, which affected my family directly. In December, Maria pleaded guilty to conspiracy, and agreed to cooperate with the Feds, which means she may be testifying against Paul. Maria is adamant she’s not a spy — and a recent article in the New Republic convincingly points out the flimsiness of the FBI’s case against her. “If I’m a spy,” Maria told journalist James Bamford, “I’m the worst spy you could imagine.” Or, she could be the best, depending on how you view it.

On our last night in Orlando, Paul raised a glass to us. “There are many people in my life,” he said, eyes crinkling like you’d imagine Santa Claus’ would, “But only a few of them, true friends. You are among them.” For my mother, those kinds of words were emotional super-glue, bonding her to Paul’s side of things until the bitter end. So it’s taken her, she who still has the handwritten note from Paul framed in the basement, the longest to catch up to the cold light of the truth. She’ll be sending that letter to the FBI for evidence any day now. When she said she wished she'd been born in a different year, and attended a different reunion, I understood.

There will be no answers, probably, for those of us whose influence in the world extends only to our height off the ground. What I know is this: Maria Butina and I went to Disney World, once, and we had fun. She said a vertical line in my left palm meant I would be a writer. She invited me to Moscow as a friend, and I almost went.

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Every Beauty Sale To Shop Over Presidents' Day Weekend

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If there's anything that can get you through a Wednesday slump, it's knowing that you're just two days away from a long weekend. In case you haven't heard — or just forgot with this week's insanity — Monday is Presidents' Day, which means the banks are closed, work is cancelled, and to sweeten the deal, there are a ton of sales happening. Do you need any other incentive to engage in a little mid-winter retail therapy?

From free shipping at Glossier, when you buy the Skin Tint and Stretch Concealer duo, to 25% off the sale section at Stila, scroll through to find the best Presidents' Day freebies and discounts to shop on Monday. The best part: You can stock on all these beauty deals from bed, while you're enjoying some much needed R&R.

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

Glossier

Glossier is offering shoppers free shipping on orders over $30. That means your Skin Tint and Stretch Concealer duo will ship to your door for nothing more than the $36 you put down for both (saving yourself $8 for buying the two-pack).



Glossier Boy Brow, $16, available at Glossier

Tatcha

Get a complimentary Tatcha tinted lip balm in any of the three wearable shades (Cherry Blossom, Kyoto Red, or Beautyberry) with any purchase of $100 or more on Presidents' Day. Use the code "LIPCARE19" at checkout to get the $38 product for free.



Tatcha Cherry Blossom Camellia Lip Balm, $38, available at Tatcha

First Aid Beauty

If you've got a favorite First Aid Beauty product — the ultra-rich moisturizer or avocado undereye concealer are two stars — Presidents' Day is the time to shop, because shipping is free sitewide on any order of $25 or more.



First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream Intense Hydration, $32, available at First Aid Beauty

Stila

Over Presidents' Day weekend (February 15 through 18) get an extra 25% off anything on sale at Stila — including limited-edition shades of the beloved Shimmer & Glow liquid eyeshadow.



Stila Glitter & Glow Liquid Eye Shadow, $24, available at Stila

The Nue Co.

For the sleep deprived amongst us, The Nue Co. is offering up a bottle of its natural chamomile sleep aid as a gift with any purchase of $150. You can only cash in on this freebie from Sunday, February 10, through Monday, February 18.



The Nue Co. Sleep Drops, $40, available at The Nue Co

Lilah B.

If you spend $75 or more at Lilah B. — maybe on a luxe cream lip and cheek duo and a tinted lip balm — you'll get a $16 face mist for free.



Lilah B. Mini Aglow™ Face Mist, $16, available at Lilah B.

Tarte

With a checkout total of $40, you'll get free shipping and a complimentary sample from Tarte.



Tarte Creaseless Concealer, $26, available at Tarte

Winky Lux

Spend $20 or more at Winky Lux, and you'll get a free full-sized lipstick.



Winky Lux Creamy Dreamies Lipstick in Shade Au Lait, $15, available at Winky Lux

Algenist

Starting February 15 and running through Presidents' Day, when you buy $100 worth of product on the Algenist retail site, you'll get free shipping, three free sample-size goodies, and $25 off your next purchase.



Algenist GENIUS Ultimate Anti-Aging Cream, $76, available at Algenist

Virtue Labs

Virtue's brand anniversary just happens to coincide with Presidents' Day. To celebrate, the whole site will offer free shipping and 20% off with the code "BDAY20." The code is valid from February 14 through the 21.



Virtue Labs Smooth Shampoo, $38, available at Virtue Labs

Vichy

If you spend over $60 on the Vichy site over the holiday, you'll be able to take 20% off your order, and get a free deluxe sample of the brand's fresh, new Clarifying Charcoal Mask.

Shu Uemura Art of Hair

Spend $50 at Shu Uemura (which is pretty easy considering most of the shampoos and at-home color glosses come with a luxury price tag), and you'll get a free product of your choice in travel size.



Shu Uemura Color Lustre Hair Mask, $68, available at Shu Uemura Art of Hair

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I Traded My Brunette Bob For Pink, Anime-Inspired Hair

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For some people, dark brown hair is just that. But for Cristina Gómez, her dark-colored strands were a piece of her identity. In the latest episode of Hair Me Out, Gómez tackles a beauty goal she's had for a long time: dyeing her hair pink.

"I've always wanted to dye my hair pink," she says. "But I've hesitated because I thought it would take away one of the things that makes me fit in with my culture. I've always been a white-passing Latina, so I feel like if I take away that dark hair, then that takes away one of the things that makes me feel like I look Latina."

Despite her reservations, Gómez went into her transformation at Cut Loose BK open to a new look. She already had a little experience with bright-colored hair since she often cosplayed as anime character Revolutionary Girl Utena, which required a bubblegum-colored wig. Click play to see how Gómez's transition from brunette to pastel-pink turned out.

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It Started With A Shooting At Their School. But They Know It's About More Than That.

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"I thought I was going to die. As I lay there, I begged God to please make it fast," Aalayah Eastmond, a 17-year-old senior at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL, said, her voice quivering. Testifying in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee last Wednesday, she described the oft-told story of February 14, 2018, from her own, terrifying vantage point: She was in her fourth-period Holocaust history class, where the students were presenting projects on campus hate groups. When the gunman burst in, her group partner Nicholas Dworet was in front of her. She said she could never imagine he would save her life, but he did. "As Nicholas fell, I matched his every movement and hid beneath his lifeless body as bullets riddled my classmates." She recalled how the stress of the shooting took such a toll on her mother that she experienced a miscarriage.

This was, believe it or not, the first Congressional hearing about gun violence since 2011 — a period that has been marked by record numbers of gun deaths and one high-profile shooting after another. The main purpose was to discuss H.R. 8, a bipartisan bill that would require background checks on every gun sale, including at gun shows and online, which Democrats have made a key issue after gaining the majority in the U.S. House of Representatives. Only 11 states and D.C. currently require background checks on all firearm sales, which means guns routinely get into the hands of felons and domestic abusers.

Illustration by Louisa Cannell 

The March for Our Lives movement undoubtedly played a role in the House putting such a high priority on H.R. 8 off the bat. Over the past year, a core group of MSD students has turned their grief into change, igniting the biggest youth movement since the Vietnam War, registering their peers to vote, and persuading politicians to make change on local, state, and federal levels.

The media often paints the March for Our Lives story in easy, convenient broad strokes. Parkland is portrayed as an affluent, predominantly white suburb rocked by a rare tragedy. People talk about a set of policy solutions, which, while a great start, don't always get to the roots of violence among low-income communities of color.

It's the Parkland kids themselves who often push the country to look deeper.

Eastmond, after surviving a mass shooting, was here to remind us that while "high-profile" mass shootings are a small fraction of all shootings, gun violence affects minority communities every day. "My family knew this pain long before Parkland. Fifteen years ago, in Brooklyn, NY, my uncle Patrick Edwards was shot in the back and killed. He was just 18 and had his whole life ahead of him," said Eastmond, who is on the executive council of Team Enough, an anti-gun violence group that serves to amplify marginalized voices.

Eastmond reminded lawmakers that gun violence disproportionately affects minority communities. In 2016, the FBI found that Black people accounted for 52% of murder victims, three-quarters of them with guns. Black women are the group most likely to be killed in a homicide, which means they're also likely to be killed by an intimate partner, according to a 2017 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. She says she wishes the adults in the hearing had spent more time on this.

"The hearing was okay, but I'm a little disappointed at the lack of conversation about gun violence in the minority community," she tells Refinery29 in an interview. "Black and Brown youth are the number-one group of people affected. That should be at the top of our list to address, and we barely talked about it."

Black and Brown youth are the number-one group of people affected. That should be at the top of our list to address, and we barely talked about it.

Peter Ambler, executive director of Giffords, praised March for Our Lives leaders for addressing all gun violence, not only school shootings. "These young leaders have really challenged the media and adults to get out of the habit of thinking about gun violence as something that is primarily a mass shooting problem, when we know it isn't," Ambler tells Refinery29.

Ambler says that a universal background checks law would undoubtedly be effective in curbing gun violence in low-income communities of color, since it would keep guns from ending up in the wrong hands through criminal networks. He adds programs that address the underlying causes this violence — poverty, lack of education, inadequate mental health resources — are also crucial in reducing homicides.

These programs include social services for at-risk youth, such as counseling, job training, and after-school programs. According to a 2017 Giffords Law Center report, programs like this have helped Massachusetts, the state with some of the lowest levels of gun violence in the country, reduce gun homicide rates by 35% from 2010 to 2015, while nationally gun homicide rates actually increased 14% in that same period. The challenge now is extending these programs from a handful of states and sustained funding. Cities have made their own efforts to curb gun violence, using strategies from gun-tracing, to linking public health and criminal justice data, to providing cognitive-behavioral therapy for at-risk people.

The March for Our Lives movement, which has made intersectionality one of their calling cards, has helped draw attention to violence that is often forgotten.

Illustration by Louisa Cannell 

In 2018, March for Our Lives embarked on the over-80-stop Road to Change tour, a youth voter registration effort ahead of the midterms. Refinery29 joined them for a few days, first meeting them at the International Civil Rights Center & Museum in Greensboro, the site of a series of lunch-counter sit-ins during the 1960s which led to the desegregation of Woolworth's department store.

During a panel discussion with older civil rights leaders, they discussed carrying on their legacy by fighting violence. "In my community, the police brutality is a prevalent issue that no one [addresses]," said Bria Smith, a student and youth leader from Milwaukee who was initially critical of March for Our Lives because she felt they only focused on school shootings, until they asked her to join for a few days and she ended up sticking around all summer. "Our Trayvon Martin was Dontre Hamilton, who was shot and killed in Red Arrow Park and never got justice."

Kyrah Simon, who does go to Parkland, says she doesn't fit the "stereotype" of a typical student at the school and that's been a challenge when it comes to being taken seriously, whether it's by lawmakers or other adults she's met on the road. "So many people when speaking out about Parkland and the demographic, they feel that everyone who goes to Douglas is white, affluent, rich, has like a $210,000 yearly income," she tells us. "The media sort of ran with that story and generalized all Parkland students. And that doesn’t speak for everyone who goes to that school because I go to that school and I don’t fit that storyline."

It's especially frustrating for these students, they say, because they know that youth of color have been fighting for gun reform and criminal justice reform for a long time without much media attention, and many have felt it's unfair that it took a bunch of white, upper-middle class kids from a wealthy suburb for the nation to listen. The leaders of the movement are painfully cognizant of this and hope the conversation will change.

Illustration by Louisa Cannell

Jaclyn Corin, who is attending Harvard University this fall, freely admits that until the shooting, she was one of those white kids raised in a privileged bubble of school, SATs, and extracurriculars. And she says she's acutely aware of the fact that those who are in power want it to be that way, by design.

"Parkland is a very confined place in a different way as Milwaukee in the sense that it’s a bubble," she says. "You’re not exposed to the true problems that our country actually faces, and it’s purposeful. You know, it’s 70% white...and I grew up going to school, going home, doing my homework, and my life was quote-unquote perfect. And then I was exposed to the outside and our bubble kind of popped on February 14."

She adds: "As a white girl, they don’t want people like me to know what Bria goes through."

Parkland is a very confined place... You’re not exposed to the true problems that our country actually faces, and it’s purposeful.

Ultimately, intersectionality has been a core strength of the movement and perhaps the reason that these teenagers have achieved so much in just one year. On the road, they met with survivors of every type of shooting, highlighting the fact that gun violence penetrates every corner of our society.

Their massive voter registration drives helped ensure that Generation Z and millennials came out to vote in the midterms in larger numbers than ever. In the midterms, they helped elect gun reform candidates like Georgia's Lucy McBath, whose son Jordan was killed for playing rap music, and who decided to run for a federal office after Parkland. They've also contributed to a spike in legislative change at the state level: Since Parkland, 67 laws passed in 27 states to address gun safety. Among these, nine states have passed "red-flag laws," which allow temporary confiscation of guns from people who are deemed a risk to themselves or others, and more are on the way. Many say Parkland would not have happened if Florida had a red-flag law. (The state passed one in the wake the shooting.)

Now, passionately behind H.R. 8 — with scores of March for Our Lives activists in white T-shirts filling Wednesday's hearing — the young activists hope widespread consensus on background checks means change will come. "There’s truly not a lot of divisiveness here," says Emma González. "Three percent of people are opposed to background checks, that means background checks should pass."

While the young activists have helped spur many policy changes over the past year, for them, a big lesson from the movement is also personal. "I really, really, really, am going to raise my child not in a bubble," Corin tells us. "Because I was raised like that and I want my kids to know what’s going on around the country, I want them to know what’s going on in the streets of Chicago, I want them to know what’s going on in L.A. I do not want them to only know what’s going on in their community."

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The Steep Financial & Emotional Toll Of Breaking-Up With Your Live-In Partner

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Lina*, 34, used to live in the same New York City neighborhood as her boyfriend — let’s call him Tom. After dating him for about a year, Lina found she was spending more time at Tom’s apartment than her own (“It was nicer,” she notes). When the time came for Lina to renew her lease on the two-bedroom apartment she shared with a roommate, the couple decided it made more sense for her to just move into Tom’s place.

“We never discussed what would happen if we broke up,” Lina says. “You know, you don’t want to think about that when you’re doing something optimistic like moving in together.”

These days, cohabitation isn't the exception — it's becoming the norm. According to Pew Research Center, as of 2016 18 million adults in the U.S. were cohabitating, up 29% from 2007. As marriage rates continue to fall, Americans in relationships are choosing to just live together instead.

In many large cities, where rental prices are ballooning and work culture is increasingly competitive, some millennials choose to move in with a partner out of convenience as much as romance, much like Lina and her beau did. And yet, by giving in to the allure of practicality — and, let’s be real, subsidized rent — some are rushing into cohabitation without thinking through the possible financial repercussions.

Lina moved in with Tom and his roommate, Ian*, in a large, centrally located riverside apartment complex in Manhattan. She was unable to afford her full share of the $3,200 monthly rent and instead took on a smaller portion, around $800. After all, both partners knew their financial circumstances were not the same. “He was further along in his career than I was; at the time I was a struggling artist pursuing acting and bartending most of the time,” Lina says, noting she was barely able to scrape together any savings. “When we went out for dinners, he’d pay.”

This dynamic gradually became a source of contention. “The last few months we were together, we weren’t happy. We were fighting a lot, and a lot of it was about money,” Lina says. “Eventually, there was more fighting than not fighting, and one of those fights was more or less a breaking point.”

Lina recalls feeling panicked after realizing that she would have to find somewhere else to live. “New York real estate is a motherfucker, and I knew if I moved out, I’d be stuck in a shitty situation in some far outer-borough walk-up shared with a bunch of strangers,” she says. “I couldn’t imagine downgrading my life so much.”

I knew if I moved out, I’d be stuck in a shitty situation in some far outer-borough walk-up shared with a bunch of strangers.

Unable to swing a new apartment in New York City and unsure of her next step, Lina eventually moved back in with her parents in the greater D.C. area. "That time was the worst," she says. "My life as I knew it ended; I was bereft not just of the relationship but of my beloved city."

Today, Lina is engaged and once again living in New York City. And while she was able to get back on track after her breakup, it took a year and a half.

Setting boundaries before the ink is dry

For Jessica, 33, moving in with her partner, Jake*, was precipitated by a familiar set of circumstances: They were both living in Brooklyn, paying steep rents, and spending a considerable amount of time at each other's apartments. “It got to the point where we wondered why we were paying two rents," says Jessica. "It was a live-in-the-moment decision. There was no thought about ‘what if this goes wrong?’”

Jessica and Jake, however, had a somewhat unique set of circumstances: They were not only dating but also best friends and playing in a band together. Because of this, the boundaries between their finances were already somewhat blurred.

“We tackled everything as a team: There was never really my money or your money, it was always our money,” Jessica says, adding that their finances only meshed further once they moved in together. “We were both working freelance and incredibly poor. It was always: Who made money this month? Who can pay rent? Who can get groceries?”

We were both working freelance and incredibly poor. It was always: Who made money this month? Who can pay rent? Who can get groceries?

Though this fluid financial situation certainly sounds like a progressive, if not lovestruck, decision, it may not be a smart idea — at least not for every couple. Before you sign onto a joint lease, setting boundaries based on your specific financial needs and resources is not only good planning, it could potentially save both you and your partner from unnecessary financial heartache.

Jenn Monahan, finance expert and trainer at the Financial Gym in New York City, acknowledges that housing costs are millennials' largest fixed expense, which leads many to live with someone, including a romantic partner. But Monahan notes that many clients may not be emotionally ready, since the timing for moving in with someone is often dictated by a pre-existing lease.

Monahan outlines a number of protective measures one should consider before signing a lease with a partner — no matter how solid a relationship seems. Her most important tip? Asking yourself whether you would be able to afford the entire rent every month, and if not, could you get a subletter? This question, she says, is absolutely crucial not only in the face of a breakup but also in the event that your partner loses their job.

“Even if you’re not anticipating the breakup, you want to sit down and make sure that if you’re signing a lease, both of you can individually afford it on your own,” says Monahan, though she admits that might sound ludicrous to those in expensive cities such as New York. “If the answer is no, it’s best to scale back and get a cheaper place.”

After that's been settled, Monahan recommends coming up with a joint system to keep track of expenses, clearly outlining who is responsible for and entitled to what. While there may be no legal recourse, such as a prenup, it's important to define boundaries.

Lastly, Monahan underscores the importance of an emergency fund. She generally recommends saving at least three months' worth of fixed expenses as a cushion, but adds that you may need to double this if you want to be able to provide for a partner, as well.

We were still sleeping in the same bed, and being in this small space sort of amplified the negatives that we saw in each other.

Because Jessica and her ex never discussed what might happen if things unraveled, they found themselves having to continue living together even after they broke up. “We were living in a faux two-bedroom railroad apartment; we sublet the actual bedroom to roommates, so we were in this windowless room, because we were super broke and couldn’t find work,” Jessica says. “We were still sleeping in the same bed, and being in this small space sort of amplified the negatives that we saw in each other.”

Untangling your life after a breakup

Though Jessica was lucky to amicably, if awkwardly, continue living in the apartment she had shared with her ex, not everyone has the option to stay. Ana*, 27, found herself in a much more hostile situation after breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, whom we’ll call David.

Before moving into a shared apartment in Los Angeles, Ana lived with roommates and David with his dad. The two were both uncomfortable in their respective living situations and decided it would be more convenient to just sign onto a lease together.

Then, this past December, Ana confronted David for cheating on her, and he demanded that she leave the apartment, even though she, too, was on the lease. “When he is mad, he is stuck in a rage and will do whatever he can to break me down,” Ana says. “He knew my only option was to go home to my parents’ house, which was small and uncomfortable. I ended up having to sleep in my brother’s toy room, and I’m still there.”

He knew my only option was to go home to my parents’ house, which was small and uncomfortable. I ended up having to sleep in my brother’s toy room, and I’m still there.

After the breakup, David began missing rent payments, and eventually their landlord threatened to evict them both — even though Ana no longer lived there. She worried that David had done this on purpose, given how an eviction could impact her financial standing and credit score, but it “turns out he’s just really shitty with money,” Ana says.

Looking back, she says David had long displayed concerning financial behavior. “He had no savings, and every time he would get paid, he would spend his first paycheck on weed and clothes and going out, and the second paycheck he would use to pay bills,” Ana explains. “I made less than him, but he would always end up asking me for money.”

With any split, there are already numerous challenges, particularly for those who are low-income, and controlling or even abusive partners only further complicate the process of moving on. In fact, amid rising rental prices, there is a growing concern that many women are forced to stay in bad relationships because they have nowhere else to go.

Monahan points out that there are a number of steps you can take to lessen the stress of an already emotionally draining situation, beginning with asking yourself: How can I start to untangle? She encourages individuals to get an accountability partner, either a friend or family member, who can help to develop a clear exit strategy and also provide emotional support. Many times, an exit strategy may simply mean locating a temporary, safe place to stay — whether that’s a friend or family member’s sofa, a co-living space, or a sublet.

Monahan also urges individuals going through a breakup to be gentle with themselves; though frugality has its merits, it's important to build in time — and a budget — for self-care, whether that means therapy, massage, or yoga practice.

From there, Monahan says that contacting, and clearly communicating with, your landlord, utility companies, and any other financial shareholders is crucial. This way, you can establish how much it'll cost to break or extend a lease, move around utilities, and mitigate anything else that could potentially hurt your credit score. Same goes for separating "assets" such as furniture: Figure out if it's worth it to sell, pay for movers or a storage unit, or just let it go.

Make sure you’re not doing this on your own; it is going to be overwhelming when you’re already in a vulnerable place.

Your accountability partner can play a supportive role in this. "Keep giving yourself short, achievable lists that you’re trying to tackle,” says Monahan. “Make sure you’re not doing this on your own; it is going to be overwhelming when you’re already in a vulnerable place."

If an accountability partner doesn’t immediately come to mind, there are other resources that can provide support. For those experiencing intimate-partner violence, there are organizations across the country that can offer emotional and logistical support and even help with relocation. If you are not in immediate danger and are just overwhelmed by the process of untangling your life from your ex’s, a newly launched post-breakup concierge service, Onward, might be able to help.

Onward's cofounders, Lindsay Meck and Mika Leonard, both experienced messy breakups while cohabitating with partners, and they understood the need for a service that eases the transition. “If you don’t have a strong social network and disposable income, this is an incredibly derailing process,” says Mika. “We realized there had to be a better way.”

Onward has joined forces with a number of strategic partners, including co-living spaces, financial experts, therapy networks, and storage and moving companies, in order to help their broken-hearted clients create a clear roadmap after a split. Its concierge plans, which start at $150, are tailored specifically to an individual's budget and designed to help them get back on track, whatever that means for them. “Our mantra is that a breakup shouldn’t also break the bank,” says Lindsay.

Learning how to rebuild

With the gift of hindsight, Ana now sees that she moved in with David much too soon. Like many millennials, they were tired of living with roommates or family and wanted a living situation that was convenient and inexpensive. But Ana realizes that her priorities were not where they should have been. “We got together because the rent’s cheap, instead of because we wanted to progress our relationship,” she says.

And yet, this decision — which on the surface might seem monetarily sound — landed Ana in a living arrangement that put her at risk, both emotionally and financially. “In the future, I would hope that I can trust the person I’m with. I wish, looking back, one of us had just been on the lease so it wouldn’t have been so messy.” Still, Ana was able to get out, and so too were Jessica and Lina, though all three experienced uniquely challenging circumstances before finally finding their footing.

Ultimately, the most important step before moving in is to slow down and carefully analyze your motives for doing so. Make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. “Trust your partner, really get to know them,” Ana says. “Slow and steady is the best way to see if you’re compatible. You don’t want to wait and find out you're not two months into a one-year lease — that shit sucks.”

If you are experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224 for confidential support.

*Names have been changed

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Millennials Killed Napkins, But They're Resuscitating Prenups

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Millennials have killed a lot of things. (What can a napkin do that a paper towel can't? And canned tuna? Please. What's the point?) And yet, from these ashes a rebirth has sprung. Millennials — those of selfie, signature pink, and selling-out fame — are getting prenups.

A 2016 study conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 51% of polled attorneys saw an increase in prenuptial agreements among millennial couples in recent years — with contracts most commonly citing “protection of separate property,” “alimony/spousal maintenance,” and “division of property.” Considering this is a generation that's less concerned about "what's mine is yours" and more into the 50-cent Venmo request, it's hardly surprising. But it's also reflective of a larger generational trend — that of putting career advancement before settling down and therefore having more individual assets to bring into a marriage.

Prenups get a terrible rap in pop culture. They smack of gold diggers, designed to suck you dry "when she leave yo' ass." A paper contract with all the sexiness of a gynecologist's stirrups. A divorce plan before you're even married. But this reputation is sexist at worst and hardly accurate at best. Prenuptial agreements are arguably no more than a worst-case-scenario plan, which should be fair for both partners — no matter who comes into the marriage with more assets — in part because they necessitate important financial conversations and set you up for more open discussions in the future. And what could be more romantic than that?

Ahead, we talked to five millennial women about why they got a prenup, who initiated the conversation, and how they feel about it today.

C., 30, Los Angeles, CA

Why did you get a prenup?

The process was initiated by my husband. He’s an investment manager, and he always advises his clients to get prenups. He has seen a lot of divorces with his clients and some of the messiness that can come from not having a prenup. It’s something he's always pushed for, and it wasn’t that much of a surprise to me when he brought it up.

In the beginning, we both sat down with the same attorney just to discuss the outlines of what we wanted, and then we each got our own lawyers. At home, we would discuss the details of what we wanted together, and then we just kept going back and forth.

What was your initial reaction? Were you immediately on board?

I was not on board. When we first started dating four years ago, he kind of mentioned that when he got married, he wanted a prenup. At that point in our relationship, my stance was "No way am I getting a prenup if I get married." I don't personally know anybody who has one — none of my friends or family — so really my only exposure to it was on TV, and I always viewed it as a negative. I was completely against it. He really wanted one, but we never spoke about it again. I felt like he knew my stance on it, so when he proposed, I thought he had accepted that I didn’t want a prenup. I was mistaken. After he proposed last year, we didn't talk about it until three months before the wedding, when he said: "I think I really want this."

That added a lot more stress to our relationship for sure, because we were three months from the wedding and the negotiation process of the prenup was emotionally taxing and put a real strain on our relationship. We had already sent out wedding invitations, but there was this question of, What if we can’t agree on a prenup? What would we do? That was a nightmare.

What were the terms of the prenup?

My husband wanted a prenup because he owns a company, not because he has a lot of wealth. He and his partner both agreed to get prenups when they got married to avoid having a portion of the company awarded to an ex-spouse in the case of divorce.

What did your families think about the prenup?

We’re both Asian, but I’m Chinese and he’s Asian-American, and I think my family’s values are just very different from his. In my culture, if you get married, you just join everything. You don’t plan for a marriage to fail, and I think after he brought up this prenup, my family kind of saw him a little differently. Like, who is this guy trying to protect himself?

As for his family, they're all for it. They all think it’s a great idea. My husband has seen a lot of divorce among his friends and family — his uncle has been divorced twice — and his family advised him to do it.

I talked to my close friends and my siblings about it, and none of them understood why he wanted a prenup, because he really doesn’t have much money to protect, and I come from a more wealthy family than he does. I have a lot more assets than he does and a lot more family money.

So the prenup protects you as well.

Yes, and after discussing the final details of the prenup, I think it does protect me in that I feel safe, and after explaining this to my family, they do feel like it’s a good idea. I know it’s a good move, and I would advise my friends to do it if they want and if they can ignore the fact that it’s such an unromantic move. I think in the end, it does protect us both.

Rene, 26, Los Angeles, CA

Why are you getting a prenup?

My fiancé is a dual citizen, and he’s from a Scandinavian country. They do have prenups there, but they aren’t as common as they are in the U.S.

We’re getting married in the States, but my fiancé owns a company back in his home country, and in case anything went wrong with the company, or alternatively, if the company totally took off and there was any reason that we would separate, which there isn’t going to be, then he would be protected as well.

We're having a lawyer look over some things with our prenup, as we're still not completely sure if it would hold up if we were in my fiancé’s home country.

What do your families think about the prenup?

I think his family feels better with us having this agreement. And I want to be on their side and do the right thing. We know that we love each other, and we're not afraid of anything happening, so it’s more for them to feel like he's still protected while he's in the U.S.

But it was awkward with them at first. It’s hard, because they speak a different language, so during the conversations that were being held, I only understood about one-third of what everybody was saying. But everybody acted like it was totally normal. They talked about it so casually, and I was like, Oh, I never even thought of that. No one in my family has ever had a prenup, but I guess when you’re in a different country and you think differently, then things happen differently.

My family doesn’t know. They’re ultra-conservative and probably would be afraid for our marriage. It’s not worth telling them.

Have you told any of your friends?

I’m not bringing it up in conversation, but if they find out, it’s fine, and I’m not trying to hide it. I don’t think a lot of them know what he's worth, and a lot of people don’t know he has a company in Scandinavia. People think his job in L.A. is his main job, but he definitely does other things on the side.

What are the terms of your prenup?

You can get really specific with what you put into it, down to saying you want your dog to have dog daycare. But our prenup only focuses on his company and the money he has back home.

Did your opinion on prenups and the conversation around them change as you had this experience?

Yeah. After talking to an attorney about it, I was like, Oh, people do this all the time. You don’t want people to think you’re planning on getting a divorce, because we're absolutely not. Both sets of our parents are happily married, and we're super happy — it’s not about that.

You don’t even have to have a lot of money to have a prenup. It gave us a much better idea about our finances — like, I had no idea about some of his assets back home. I knew his family was well off, but I didn’t know how that translated into his own wealth. We hadn’t really talked about that at all. So it was good to have a reason to get really specific. Obviously, people can do that in premarital counseling, but this is a good way to get out all the questions with a mediator.

It was a super smooth process. Nobody goes into a prenup thinking you’re gonna get a divorce. You go into it to protect each other.

E.*, 33, New York City

Why are you getting a prenup?

My fiancé and I come from very different financial backgrounds. I grew up in a working-class family that has experienced a good amount of financial hardship, and through a combination of education, good luck, and work, I have managed to achieve my own financial stability and now earn a six-figure income. But my fiancé’s family has billions of dollars of wealth, so he grew up very well off and with great financial security. It was always expected that if he were to marry anybody, even someone who had similar wealth, there would be a prenuptial agreement. It was definitely something that we talked about prior to getting engaged as our relationship became more serious. He asked me how I would feel about getting a prenup, and I wasn’t surprised when he proposed it, given his family situation.

I think that there really are benefits for both of us in having the prenup — for me, because I experienced a lot of financial insecurity and hardship as a child. Having a prenup that maps out what will happen in all the worst-case scenarios. There is something reassuring to me about having this document that says if, God forbid, we get divorced, or one of us dies, or one of us becomes disabled, this is what happens.

How did your family feel about it?

When I mentioned it to my mom, she was a little shocked and told me not to do it. She felt like it meant we were going into our marriage with the wrong mindset, and that we were already planning to get divorced. I think because my family is working-class, their concept of prenups is entirely from movies and TV — my mom doesn’t know anyone personally who ever had a prenup, since usually prenups are something that only wealthier people do. I explained to her that it doesn’t mean we're going in with doubts about our marriage, it just means we want to have the mentality of hoping for the best and planning for the worst.

I also told her that the prenup covers so much more than just divorce — it covers deaths, disability, real estate, and who handles maintenance of the real estate. Once I explained that to her, she seemed to understand. When I mentioned it to my siblings, they didn’t really react. I think it’s something that’s pretty foreign to them, again because of the difference in class background, and that’s actually something that’s been really difficult for me in doing the prenup. There aren’t a lot of available resources where you can learn about how it all works and the different kinds of things you can cover. I would love to be able to talk to other women who have gone through the process to know what they wish they’d done differently, or things that helped them in the process.

What are the terms of your prenup?

It’s funny — when I was first talking to my lawyer and he was walking me through the kinds of things prenups often cover, he talked about real estate and financial assets, obviously, but he also said that recently a lot of his clients want to have social media clauses — provisions that say if there is a divorce, neither party can post defamatory content on social media about the other person. We don’t have anything like that, but I was fascinated to know that’s actually a thing people include in a legal document.

Our agreement is really focused on things like what would happen to my fiancé’s estate if he were to die before me, what percentage I would inherit. Or what would happen to any real estate that we might own if we got divorced. If we did divorce, I wouldn’t receive alimony — I would instead receive a lump sum.

Do you talk about this with friends?

It’s not something I talk about with any friends, in part because there is a lot of taboo associated with talking about money, particularly as women. I’m also aware that some of the issues I’m encountering with my prenup are extreme first-world problems. My friends are not wealthy people, so it’s not relatable stuff to talk to them about, and I worry about making people feel kind of uncomfortable. So I feel it’s just better to work through with my therapist and in couples therapy. We started going to couples therapy around the time we started working on the prenup, because we knew it was going to bring up a lot of issues for us. We’ve found therapy to be very helpful in terms of giving us a mutual space to work through some of the emotions and anxiety it has brought up.

Still, I wish it was something that I felt able to talk about more with friends or with my siblings. But in some ways, talking about the prenup involves talking about my fiancé’s family wealth, which is something I’m not very comfortable discussing with people.

*Initial has been changed.

Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial Takes On Investing, 29, New York City

Why did you get a prenup?

I’m an author and I own a business — Broke Millennial — so the reason I wanted a prenup was primarily because I was already building a brand into a business, and I was coming into the marriage already having published one book. I wanted to ensure that in the instance of a divorce, the Broke Millennial brand and all of its entities would be mine and mine alone.

I’m fine to split royalties that are generated while we’re married, but in the instance of a divorce, I wanted control over any future royalties. I’m very analytical when it comes to thinking about this, and I think that’s jarring for some people. I wouldn’t go into any other contract, especially a business contract, without protection — so why would I get married without protecting myself and my husband? Marriage is one of the biggest financial decisions of your life. I understand that it’s based on love and trust, but at the same time, you have to recognize that it is a contract and you are merging assets, so it’s incredibly important that everybody is protected.

Also, I know myself as a person, and I could certainly get vindictive if we got divorced (I know it’s not one of my best qualities). My thought was, if we had a prenup, a legal document that we created when we are very much in love, it would ensure that we would be kind and generous to each other, and that we won’t be nitpicking and vindictive and trying to enact some sort of revenge on each other if something went wrong. Because the divorce might not be amicable. My way of making light of the whole situation early on was to say to my future husband: I am trying to protect you from a future potentially vindictive version of me.

Was it awkward when you brought it up with your husband?

I write about money professionally, so he is used to me bringing up potentially awkward conversations about money. It’s almost par for the course in our relationship. I brought it up a year or two before we got engaged, and we were together eight years before we got married, so we had been through a lot of hypothetical conversations about marriage, including how we would handle our finances. As my brand started to build, I told him I thought it would be prudent for us to have a prenup. And another reason I wanted one is because it provided just one more layer of legal separation between our personal assets and my business, and also made it very clear that what he brought in was his. I wanted to protect him just in case anything happened to my business.

He also came into our relationship with student-loan debt, while I was debt-free. A big part of my narrative is how I picked my college based on staying debt-free, and we had a lot of conversations about what student loans meant in the context of getting married and merging our money. I’m very much of the mindset that when you get married, you’re a team and you’re financially operating as a team, so I knew that I was going to be very proactive helping him pay down his student loans. But then there needed to be some measure of protection on my end, in case something went wrong. So that was one thing we discussed when it came to getting a prenup. I think people often think that when you get married, your spouse’s debt becomes your debt, but that's not true. His debt would only be my responsibility if I co-signed on it, which I have not. So if we got divorced tomorrow, it's not suddenly going to be 50% mine.

I got some backlash when I talked about getting a prenup on social media, from people who said I don’t love and trust my husband enough. I think that’s such an interesting knee-jerk response, because it’s incredibly naive to go into what could be five or six decades of commitment and not think that of course it's a possibility things will fail. Just like when you get behind the wheel of a car, you don’t hope you get in a car accident, but it could happen.

A lot of times people who are anti-prenup will say something along the lines of "I'd never divorce my spouse." And the issue is, you cannot control another person's actions. You may never intend to divorce a spouse, but you have no control over whether or not your spouse will leave you. Also, since speaking publicly about my own prenup, more people have told me in confidence that they have one.

What are the terms of your prenup?

Most of our prenup focuses on my business, and it also focuses on our retirement plan. When I started doing research about whether it made sense to get a prenup, I kept reading horror stories about people who lost a lot of their retirement savings in divorce. My husband is a public-school teacher, so he has a pension, and I wanted to make sure that stays protected for him, and that the money that I’m putting aside for my retirement stays protected for me. He was also very prudent to think through what would happen if one of us left the workforce. A lot of our prenup is written under the assumption that we will both stay working. But in the case that one of us steps back and takes care of children, there is a provision there that says the other one would need to help financially, because we waived alimony in our prenup.

What did your families think?

Our families weren’t very involved. I think that it can be really uncomfortable to talk to parents about it, depending on what their stance is. A lot of people think of it as a divorce contract, and I would love to change that stigma. I would love to reframe it as just a protective measure. Think of it as an insurance policy on your marriage. You sure hope it doesn’t go wrong and that everything stays great, but if you’re in it for decades, it’s just good to be protected. Also, it's expensive to get one, so you only want to get one if you need it. And going through the process, whether or not you sign the documents in the end, forces you to really have nitty-gritty conversations about your finances, which sets you up for a very successful marriage.

How long did the prenup process take?

It went pretty quickly once we decided to do it. Each person needs a lawyer, and that can get expensive. I recommend getting on the same page before you start talking to the lawyers, so you can minimize billable hours. Like, do you want to keep or waive alimony? How do you want to protect assets you’re bringing into the marriage? What about assets accumulated during the marriage in the case of a divorce?

And if you go in with an idea of what you want, and it’s a pretty cut-and-dry prenup, then it shouldn’t take terribly long. I think in all, ours took maybe eight weeks, and that was with us not being super pushy about it needing to get it done quickly. But I would give yourself a few months.

R.*, 29, OP of this Money Diary, Austin, TX

Why did you get a prenup?

In February 2016, I lost both my grandmother and my father, and I inherited $400,000. My grandma had investments, and my dad had life insurance and a 401(k). I'm an only child, so I inherited my dad’s entire estate. Then in July 2016, my now-husband proposed. I knew for over a year that I wanted to marry him, and we had discussed it plenty. I’m really open about my finances with my friends and my family, and shortly after we got engaged, my mom mentioned the idea of a prenup to me. My best friend also brought it up and said I should really consider getting one. I was nervous at first — I didn’t want to have a negative conversation about it with my husband, and I didn’t want him to think that I was dooming our marriage.

Texas is a community property state, so if after a year he went crazy and became a completely different person, he could very well end up with half of the money I inherited. After thinking about it, I did a ton of research and realized that a prenup doesn’t even require lawyers, as long as it’s signed in front of a notary and witnesses. Eventually, I brought it up and told him it was something that I thought we should do. I explained to him that I didn’t want him to think that I didn’t trust him or didn’t see us succeeding as a couple, but that it would be financially irresponsible and dumb not to do it. He agreed, and at first wanted me to manage the whole thing. But I explained that I wanted it to be something that we figured out together, because I didn’t want it to be unfair.

How did his family feel about it?

Oh, they have no idea. We both grew up with low-income single mothers, and he doesn’t discuss money with his family because they aren’t very good with their money.

What were the terms?

Assuming a normal, amicable divorce where we just didn’t want to be married anymore, he would get $10,000 for every year we were married. But then we set a 30-year mark, where we would just split everything after 30 years of marriage because we would both be retired at that point. And I wouldn’t want him to feel like he had to stay married because he had no other way to pay his bills if he’s 60 and has his whole retirement tied with mine and doesn’t have enough to retire on his own.

In addition to the inheritance, the prenup includes an agreement about our house. If we got divorced and needed to sell the house, we would split the profit, less the down payment, which I paid using $40,000 of my inheritance. So I would get the full down payment back. We bought our house before we were married, and the mortgage is in my name only, since my husband didn’t have a consistent job history at the time. We knew that we were getting married, so it didn’t actually matter that he wasn’t on the mortgage because he gets half of the house anyway.

*Initial has been changed.

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Saying No To An Engagement Ring Didn't Make Me Less Engaged

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“Look, Roman got engaged,” said Peach, my then boyfriend, now husband, while showing me a photo of a woman’s left hand displaying a diamond engagement ring as she held her fiancé’s hand. I looked closer at the photo and saw that Roman was wearing a ring, too.

“Is Roman wearing an engagement ring?!” I asked, excitedly.

“No, that’s the family ring he wears. It’s his right hand,” Peach said.

“Oh, but would you ever consider wearing an engagement ring?” I asked.

“No way, that’s weird,” he answered quickly, before realizing such a response would certainly elicit a feminist lecture from his future wife.

And indeed it did. I’d already made it clear I didn’t want to wear an engagement ring myself, and this decision had caused a bit of friction in our typically copacetic relationship. I had a multitude of reasons why I wanted to opt out: The tradition is based largely on a marketing scheme; a diamond engagement ring is not a piece of jewelry I would normally wear; and frankly, I’d just prefer to put that money toward other financial goals. But if I were being really honest, the biggest reason is that it felt sexist. The fact that I, the woman, was expected to wear a ring that symbolized that I was no longer available while Peach, the man, was free to flaunt a naked finger until our wedding day just didn’t sit right with me. This is by no means an indictment of women who do not share my feelings and want a diamond engagement ring. It’s simply my personal beliefs.

The fact that I, the woman, was expected to wear a ring that symbolized that I was no longer available while Peach, the man, was free to flaunt a naked finger until our wedding day just didn’t sit right with me.

One simple solution would have been for my betrothed to also wear an engagement ring. We had already agreed on gold bands as our wedding rings, so we could have worn them as engagement rings, too. But Peach never felt comfortable with the idea. It’s not something he’d seen modeled by other men in his life, and for some reason, he started digging in as though I’d finally pushed too hard against his masculinity and this ring was his breaking point.

Peach was completely okay with breaking plenty of other gender norms. His generous heart and openness are part of what I admire and love about him most. I write about money professionally, and he didn’t even have a problem with me sharing publicly that I out-earned him. He was proud of my success and loved his job as a public-school teacher. He didn’t see a need for it to bother him. So frankly, I couldn’t figure out why my engagement-ring refusal was the one thing that seemed to actually get to him.

After many rounds of me pressing the issue, his visceral reaction finally morphed into a rational sentiment. “I understand that you have many reasons for not wanting to wear an engagement ring, and that’s okay," he said. "But other people aren’t going to think that’s why you aren’t wearing one. They’re going to think I can’t afford to buy you one.”

I sat in this unfortunate truth for a while before I could formulate an answer beyond “So, who cares?!” Because it mattered. This man was going to be my husband, and I couldn’t dismiss his feelings, even if I felt that they were stemming from a type of socialization and societal pressure that really pissed me off. He still had a right to feel them.

Eventually, I pointed out that the people who knew us best and loved us would know affordability wasn’t the reason I wasn’t wearing an engagement ring. Besides, it would only matter for about a year while we were engaged. Afterward, we’d both be wearing wedding bands.

If he wanted me to wear an engagement ring, then he would have to wear one, too. If that made him too uncomfortable, he needed to be okay with my decision. He finally gave up on the engagement-ring fight, but he did insist on being the one to propose. I relented, even though I was slightly disappointed — I love crafting a high-stakes surprise.

While people didn’t really care that I didn’t have an engagement ring, I got a lot of questions about how Peach could propose without one. I won’t go into the full proposal story, but it was perfect and thoughtful and tailored to our relationship. It happened at home with just the two of us, and I didn’t miss the ring, as some people told me I would. The whole experience was filled with love and happiness.

As for how we announced it without the stock photo of me displaying my freshly manicured hand for the camera, well, we did what any millennial would: We used our dog.

Early on in our engagement, only a few people grabbed at my left hand, thinking they would see a blinged-out finger. Because I’ve always been outspoken about not wanting an engagement ring, I rarely had to explain myself. I was also blowing up wedding traditions left and right — no engagement party, no bridal shower, and my dress wasn’t all white. And then there was the matter of having a straight guy in my bridal party (no, he wasn’t my brother or cousin). Apparently, that’s very scandalous, so people had much more important gossip to discuss than my ringless left hand.

The few times when I was asked why I ditched the tradition, I sometimes got called (gasp) “too feminist,” or people would ask if I planned to have a diamond wedding ring. Sometimes people would ask how Peach felt about it. I only ever got really annoyed when men would say, “Your fiancé is lucky to be saving all that money. I wish more women did that.” I’d often resist the urge to roll my eyes. My choice should not be used to shame other women for wanting what they want.

The few times when I was asked why I ditched the tradition, I sometimes got called (gasp) “too feminist.”

One unfortunate ramification was making other women feel uncomfortable. It was never my intention to do so, just as my keeping my name isn’t a judgment against women who elect to take their spouse's. Some would justify their rings to me by saying it was a family heirloom or that it wasn’t a budget buster. There never is any need to defend an engagement ring, as long as you elected to wear it because you want to and not because it’s tied up in someone else’s ego. Just like you don’t have to justify changing your name. It just needs to be your decision.

But for all the initial stress, after we got married, it didn’t matter. The best piece of wedding-planning advice came from one of my closest friends. “You’re going to get into fights about things that do not matter at all outside the context of wedding planning,” she said. “This is all happening in a vacuum.” She’s so right, and her advice also applied to the engagement ring. I never get asked anymore about ditching it.

Of course, now I’m facing a new line of rude questioning. These days everyone wants to know the last names of our hypothetical children.

Erin Lowry is the author ofBroke Millennial andBroke Millennial Takes On Investing . She lives in New York City with her husband.

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