What do Timothée Chalamet, Harry Styles, young Leonardo DiCaprio, and Brendan Fraser in The Mummy have in common? They all have effortlessly charming, almost greasy-looking hair, sure. But more importantly, they are all men with haircuts that have made queer and lesbian women question their sexuality long after they thought that question was answered.
I know this because I am that woman. And Timothée Chalamet’s haircut is that haircut.
I’m obsessed with TC’s hair because, well, of course I am. His genius mop on a well-chiseled face has made me seriously wonder if I’m attracted to him. This is not the first time it’s happened: When I was younger, Hugh Grant and Gerard Way had me sincerely believing I was straight; as recently as two years ago, I went through what I can only call a Harry Styles "phase" (damn those Gucci suits). But while I can appreciate they’re all attractive and talented in their own ways, I’m not actually into any of them. What I am attracted to, and I can’t emphasize this enough, is Timmy's delightful head of hair. When The Cut declared earlier this year that his is the "It" cut among queer women right now, I thought, Duh.
But what is it about TC’s hair (seen at its most TC in the red suit in November 2017) that lesbians (a.k.a. me) love so much? And how has this unwashed, messy style genuinely made me think, Maybe I’m actually bi? (For clarity, I’m not.) It’s the classic lesbian conundrum — do I want them or do I want to be them? — made all the more complicated by being atop a man’s head.
To find out the answer, I bit the bullet and got it for myself.
Ever since I came out and learned the terminology, I’ve identified as femme. By that I mean I’ve embraced the femininity I once rejected as an integral part of my identity, one that is constantly queered through my lived experience. This means I’ve never had The Haircut so many other queer women have where, I’m told, it feels like you’re freeing yourself from the shackles of enforced femininity and heterosexuality. The closest I’ve come is at 19, when I replicated the semi-neat bob I had in preschool. I did it myself with kitchen scissors in the sink of my tiny dorm room at university. Cutting my hair short, or off completely, never felt right for me.
Equally, I’ve primarily been attracted to women who aren’t femme; women with shorn-hair aesthetics that sit between what mainstream fashion views as "androgynous" and butchness. While the world at large may not, I love and cherish non-normative womanhood in all its presentations and, for me at least, a lot of how that manifests comes down to hair.
Walking to the site of my transformation (the wonderful Chop-Chop in London's Old Street station — highly recommend), I thought about how we have gendered hair. Hair is inherently genderless, yet we have strict understandings of styles. While trends come and go, what is seen as the Man’s Man™ haircut is something short and controlled. On the other end of the spectrum, Womanly Hair™ is long and loose. The deliberately-messy, slightly-too-long haircuts on very conventionally attractive men are distinct because they sit in the middle, toying with a femininity rarely seen (let alone celebrated) in cis, primarily straight men.
After 40 minutes or so in the stylist's chair, I feel like I’m coming from the other direction — I’m suddenly toying with a masculinity I’ve always been drawn to, but never embodied before. I love it. I don’t recognize myself. I feel confused by my own reflection, but not in a way I want to reject. I spend the next few hours with friends from work who all love it (like… a lot. Maybe they fancy me?), nervously tousling and fiddling with it, waiting for one of them to drop the polite facade and tell me it doesn’t suit me. None of them does.
The next day I try and find my feet in this same-same but different body. I dig deep in my wardrobe to find what my friends and I dubbed the Call Me By Your Name shirt, which feels appropriate. I keep looking at myself in the mirror. One minute I look like Elaine the Pain from Tracy Beaker, the next, KD Lang. Then it's Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. For one short, hopeful moment, I think I look like Chris from Christine and The Queens. I feel equal parts confident and shy, like I’m masquerading as someone I want to be.
I’m still getting used to it. It was a strangely significant leap for me, to visibly go from comfortably femme to something a bit more, well, gay. And I somehow thought it would transform into being curly, shiny, and reckless. My hair is not that powerful — it's definitely not "once-in-a-generation."
TC’s hair isn't really the "It" cut for winter; it’s just that people have noticed a particular instance of something lesbians and queer women more broadly have been doing with their hair for years. The "heartthrob haircut " is just the most celebrated example of the effortful effortlessness that reads as soft and romantic but also too cool/hot/busy writing poetry/playing in a shitty band to care. It’s very, very dyke camp. And obsessing over it is the closest I’ve gotten to sincerely taking part in a cultural conversation that normally passes me by, one reserved for girls (straight) and gays (male). But it’s also literally just a haircut that I’m reading too much into — and I love it.
This story was originally published on Refinery29 UK.
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Some people say that "cancel culture " — figuratively cancelling a person or trend when we don't agree with it — is wrong because we need to learn from our past mistakes. But when it comes to the wellness world, there are certain fads that probably should be cancelled, because they're potentially dangerous to our health.
Of course, health is an incredibly individualized thing. Some people are drawn to unconventional health treatments for legitimate reasons, like feeling disbelieved by doctors or lacking access to affordable healthcare, for example. But the problem is, when so many people get on board with a specific trend, we often end up trusting it as gospel. And that's not always a good thing, because these trends aren't always harmless.
In 2018, there was no shortage of bizarre health trends that blew up on the internet. Ahead of the new year, here are the ones that we'd be perfectly find leaving in 2019. Or, to put it in very 2018 terms: "Thank you, next."
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Now that November is almost behind us and the temperatures have taken a turn for the chilly, there’s a good chance that someone in your office or friend group has decided to put together some kind of holiday gift exchange. While White Elephant (also known as Yankee Swap or Dirty Santa, depending on what you prefer to call it) sounds fun in theory, the stress of finding a truly good gift that’s also in the designated price range can also be slightly stressful.
Since gifts can move from person to person throughout the game, avoid choosing items that require specific sizing or customization. Stick to gifts that anyone can use and enjoy that also have a bit of quirk or personality to them. We’ve gone ahead and found some of the coolest affordable White Elephant presents—from portable phone chargers to soothing hand cream to a make your own hot sauce kit—that will be loved by whoever chooses them and also at the top of the list for other players to steal before the game ends.
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When a holiday-party invite drops in your inbox, the first question that comes to mind is usually what you're going to wear. But what is an embellished velvet/lamé dress without equally silky skin? If you don't have the time or money to see a facialist regularly (as in, every 4-6 weeks), the big secret is to do it yourself, and emulate the professionals from the comfort of your own home.
Caveat: You can’t get the same lasers, tools, and potent active ingredients at home, because they just aren't available to consumers. But with science-led, well-formulated products, you can give yourself a more-than-effective pre-makeup facial in less than an hour. The more often you do them, the better — it takes consistency to get skin in peak condition — and you should always take all skincare down to your décolletage. Detail is everything.
Try this facial the day before an event to allow your face time to calm down afterwards, then pep skin up with a sheet mask on the day. Soirée skin, sorted.
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Welcome to Ask A Plant Queen , where with the help of Tula founder and bona fide plant expert Christan Summers, we'll answer every question you've ever had about the care, keeping, and presentation of houseplants. No need for you — or your pretty green pals — to thank us.
Question:
I've owned a few plants in my life and thanks to a classic mixture of sunlight, water, and what I can only imagine is pure luck, I have managed not to kill (most of) them. I've never really considered feeding them anything other than tap water, but a friend recently told me about someone feeding their plants LaCroix. It's a thing, they said. You should try it, they said. So I ask you: Is this a thing? Should I try it? Right now, I have a rubber plant [Editor's note: By rubber plant, our advice-seeker doesn't mean a plant made of rubber, but rather the breed known — in plant-expert terms — as Ficus elastica], and I guess I'm curious if watering it with LaCroix or any other kind of sparkling water instead of tap water is a good, bad, or neutral idea. I'm not sure it makes the most sense from a cost perspective, but I guess sometimes you're sipping a carbonated water beverage and you might as well toss some your plant's way, right? Or... not?
Answer:
When I first read this question, my knee-jerk reaction was to say ‘no way’ to LaCroix, which seem like beverages geared solely toward human consumption. But with a little research and to my pleasant surprise, that initial reaction transformed to a more educated understanding.
But first (!), let’s cover a few basics of what a plant needs to survive, grow, and thrive indoors. The simple breakdown is that plants need air, water, sunlight, and nutrients. Here’s the breakdown, for anyone who needs a biology 101 refresher.
Air: When a plant photosynthesizes they use carbon dioxide to make food, and as a result, release oxygen. So yes, plants do breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen!
Water: During photosynthesis, water helps to release energy that the plant has stored. Think of water and water pressure as a major vehicle in promoting healthy stem and leaf growth. And we can thank the roots for carrying the water and nutrients through a plant to facilitate this growth.
Nutrients: Most soils provide plants the nutrients they need. We often encourage people to use fertilizers during the grow seasons (spring-summer) as that helps to revitalize old soils and promote nutrient uptake in the roots. The three major plant nutrients are nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium – which are usually represented by the three numbers displayed on a fertilizer label (i.e. 10-6-5).
Sunlight: The all-important energy from that big, old, star. Plants photosynthesize in sunlight, they take energy from the sun to produce sugars (or food) which in essence, is their fuel to grow. The more sun a plant receives, the faster and stronger it will grow.
Okay, so with the basics covered, let’s get back to the original question of feeding our plants flavored La Croix and/or sparkling water.
The quick answer to feeding your plant, say Pamplemousse, LaCroix is no, not a good idea. Most flavored soft drinks have been infused with artificial flavors, sugars and other unknown elements to a plant. And although we’re clear that plants need sugar to grow, it’s not the LaCroix kind of sugar they are looking for. Flavored sodas could easily damage plant roots, breaking their immune systems down and leaving them prone to disease and death.
Now for sparkling water, which is the part that I found most intriguing.
Believe it or not, the fact is, there could be some benefit in feeding your plant sparkling or carbonated water. To be clear, natural sparkling water (like Pure LaCroix) and carbonated water (like club soda) are different drinks. Natural sparkling water is made by mother nature, with naturally occurring carbonation and minerals, and the other is human made and infused with elements such as, carbonation, salt and potassium bicarbonate.
For the purposes of this column, we’re going to focus on carbonated water (AKA soda water) because there are actual, honest-to-goodness scientific experiments to prove that yes, there are benefits to giving your plants some seltzer.
For example, in 2002 two college students conducted an experiment in which they fed one plant regular water and the other soda water over a 10-day period. The plants were given the same sunlight and planted in the same soil. They found after 10 days, the plant that was given the club soda grew faster than the plant given regular water. Now how could that be?
Well, the simple answer is that soda water is like a supercharged energy pack for plants. Remember our air and nutrient basics? Soda water is full of macronutrients of carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sulfur and sodium. These are all nutrients a plant uses and needs to grow and survive on a daily basis. What the soda water provides is a supercharged serving of these nutrients. And I imagine, that sparkling water could also provide some of that supercharge, although this has not been tested or proven.
Another factor for soda water is that carbonated drinks have higher pressures. Could it be that when introduced to plant roots the nutrients are also passed through the plant at a higher rate? Remember our plant basics and that water pressure helps promote healthy growth? Just a thought…
Back to our experimenters from 2002, they admit more testing was needed to confirm whether in the long run the plant would continue to live only on carbonated water. But, if I were to offer my two cents, I'd say don't do it. There is too much packed in carbonated drinks for a plant to withstand healthy growth. It’s like asking you to live on only Red Bull or Coca-Cola for the rest of your life. No, thank you.
In conclusion, a little dose here or there of carbonated or sparkling water won’t hurt your plant and could in fact, promote faster growth. But stay away from feeding your plants flavored sodas.
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Winter dressing can be tricky. The harsh elements inspire us to stay indoors, bundled up in something oversized and cozy, re-reading Lolita and sipping hot chocolate. Alas, that's not really how things work in the real world. Instead, every morning we're expected to climb out of bed and curate an outfit that's both weather appropriate and cute. Sounds impossible, right? It was — that is, until turtleneck sweater dresses came into our lives and turned winter dressing on its head.
The best sweater dresses combine the comfort of a chunky turtleneck with the effortless style of a knit dress (all hail a two-for-one style hack!). Throw on a pair of knee high snakeskin boots for a dressed-up take or go the casual route with chunky sneakers and a fun pair of socks. Whatever you do, don't let winter pass you by without giving one of these hygee dresses a try.
Next time you're stuck staring at your closet wondering how to possibly make 26 degrees look remotely chic, consider the 16 turtleneck sweater dresses ahead.
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2018 has had its ups and downs, that's for sure, but it's been a great year for inventive manicure trends overall. Leopard print, negative space, and not-so-simple scribble reigned supreme in salons and, of course, on Instagram, prompting us to ditch the failsafe nudes altogether (sorry, Ballet Slippers; sorry, Queen Elizabeth) for something a little more offbeat — and next year's crop promises to be just as creative and cool.
Ahead, top London manicurists Ama Quashie, Ami Streets, and Lauren Michelle Pires predict the nail-art designs that are going to be major for 2019. So grab the polish remover, swipe off that inoffensive nude, and let the pros steer you in the right direction to start the new year on the right note.
This story was originally published on Refinery29 UK.
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Whether you have 2A waves or 4C coils, you're probably definitely aware that curly hair tends to be on the drier side — the tighter the curl pattern, the longer it takes for your natural oils to reach your lengths. And, as always, winter makes everything worse (cold climate + dryness from indoor heat = a curl 911). You know how much the North loathes the arrival of the infamous White Walkers? Well, that's how much we dread it. Okay, maybe not that much, but you get the idea.
To help us deal — and achieve our ultimate goal of healthy hair — we asked our fellow R29ers to give us all of their curly-hair wisdom on how they care for, style, and treat their curls in frigid temps — from their favorite SheaMoisture curl cream to their in-shower tips. So, sure, we may be trudging through the snow, slightly miserable on our walk from point A to point B (aka, five steps to our car or the subway), but at least we'll have fabulous curls while doing so — even if they are tucked into our turtlenecks.
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“Did it hurt?” It’s one of the most frequently asked questions when it comes to body art. Never mind that getting a tattoo has become downright pedestrian, with everyone from Disney stars to corporate suits joining in. In fact, in the past five years alone, the tattoo industry has grown by nearly 10%, collecting revenue of $2 billion in 2017, according to market research by IBIS World. But no matter how common body art becomes, we all want to know about that elusive pain factor.
That’s because until you feel needle-to-skin for yourself, it’s hard to gauge exactly what you’re getting into. Rae Alexandra is a San Francisco-based journalist who has in the neighborhood of 50 tattoos. As she points out, it’s hard to say with certainty which tattoo placement will hurt more than another. “A lot of people warned me about how terrible the inside of the upper arm was, but I breezed through it,” she says. “Same with the top of the foot.” Her point? It’s pretty hard to nail down how others may process pain.
Another contributing factor to how much we feel the burn is the length of a tattoo session itself. “The longer you sit, the worse it gets,” Alexandra says. “I've actually had a couple of artists tell me it's better for the art to not go longer than three hours. At that point, your body is going to start fighting it.” Additional circumstances — like having had too much caffeine, too little food or water, or being premenstrual, iron deficient, or hungover — can also heighten sensitivity.
Still, questions about pain prevail. In effort to get guidelines as to which body parts take tattooing easier than others, we consulted Alexandra and three tattoo artists (all of whom are inked themselves). See their takes on which placement choices are chill enough to induce naps and which are better known as nail biters, ahead.
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Ever heard of a penetration tester? (No, not that kind.) Chances are, you have — and you just don't realize it. This is only one of many weird and misleading job titles out there, many of which pay the big bucks. (You can make more money as a chicken sexer than, say, working in an entry-level role in book publishing!)
Ahead, we looked at FitSmallBusiness.com 's list of the most misleading job titles and broke down the 10 craziest ones ahead. Don't judge a job by its title! (Or do...and be a bunghole borer!)
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When someone mentions Nordstrom, we're immediately catapulted into a flashback scene of prom dress shopping amidst all that sequin and tulle. But now that we've passed our teenage ballgown phase, Nordstrom is where we do the bulk of our holiday shopping. From mom's new shearling coat to dad's leather duffel bag, the department store has everything — including an entire beauty section filled with affordable gift sets.
We're decidedly too old for stocking stuffers, but that doesn't mean we're not looking for pint-sized prices on gifts. Think: deluxe-sized hairsprays, miniature candles (that somehow still last just as long as the jumbo jars), and sample lipsticks small enough to store inside our purse pockets year-round. Luckily, Nordstrom has all of that (and a little more), so you can check everything off your family's wish list without going — too far — over budget.
Ahead, the best under-$50 gift sets at Nordstrom.
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The first tenet of good skin care, as any dermatologist will tell you, is to never, ever pick at your skin — even if you have a zit that's just waiting to be popped. Still, the fact remains that, when a pimple arises, most of us ignore MD advice and go straight to the squeezing. Playing Dr. Pimple Popper isn't advised, but if you've ever found yourself in a situation where even picking, popping, and squeezing just won't do the trick, it could be that your pimple isn't a pimple at all — it's a milial cyst.
Milia might look like little whiteheads, but they’re actually firm white bumps made of keratin protein that become trapped under the skin with no place to go. “Keratin is made in our skin cells and transported to the outer layer of our skin. Sometimes it get stuck in transit — that's basically what a milial cyst is,” explains Adarsh Vijay Mudgil, MD, dermatologist and Clinical Assistant Professor at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York City.
So why can’t milia be popped like a zit? According to Joshua Zeichner, MD, dermatologist and Director of Cosmetic and Clinical Research in Dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, unlike blackheads and whiteheads that protrude to the surface of the skin, milia form under the skin without a connection to its surface — and that means no amount of picking will help.
As if that weren't frustrating enough, Dr. Zeichner says that milia can occur with any skin type (not even brand-new, smooth-skinned babies are immune) and for no known reason. “We don’t totally understand why they occur, but it is thought that sun damage and occlusive cosmetics predispose people to develop milia,” he says. "Sun damage leads to inflammation in the skin, which can block pores, while heavy cosmetics can directly block pores, increasing the risk of developing milia."
The good news? Milia tends to go away on its own, as the body sheds its outermost layer of skin cells to release the blockage. The caveat, Dr. Mudgil says, is that it can take months for the bumps to subside without dermatological intervention. For those who don’t have time for nature to run its course, there are options: "In the office, your dermatologist may use a needle to open them and extract the contents, similar to what is done for pimples," Dr. Zeichner says. But he cautions patients not to touch them at home: "Since they are not connected to the surface of the skin," he explains, "picking at them will cause more harm than good.”
Considering the various causes of milia aren't fully understood, preventing them can be a bit of a guessing game. As Dr. Zeichner mentioned, the pore-blocking powers of heavy cosmetics may be linked to possible milia development. But before you throw away that full-coverage foundation, a simple product swap may do the trick. “Mineral and powder foundations are less likely to block pores compared to liquid makeup,” he says.
And it’s not just your makeup bag that may need an overhaul: Dr. Zeichner says that rich, occlusive skin-care products, including eye creams, can also lead to milia forming near the eyes and on the cheeks. “If you tend to develop milia, stick to oil-free makeup and moisturizer,” he suggests. Adding a topical retinoid (to stimulate collagen production, reduce inflammation, and help clear pores) or exfoliating product with salicylic acid (which removes excess oil and sloughs off dead skin cells) into your routine may also help keep the little white bumps at bay. For those with sensitive skin, Dr. Zeichner says, a gentle physical exfoliator can assist.
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Welcome toAway Game, a Refinery29 series where we tag along as real millennial women embark on trips around the world and track theirtravel expenses down to the last cent. Here, we offer a detailed, intimate account of when, where, and how our peers spend their vacation days and disposable income: all the meals, adventures, indulgences, setbacks, and surprises.
This week's travel diary: A 33-year-old business analyst heads to the Bay Area to attend her spouse's grandma's 90th birthday party.
Open to tracking your travel expenses during an upcoming trip? Email us at traveldiary@refinery29.com.
Age: 33 Occupation: Business Analyst Salary: $33/hr (hours vary) Travel Companions: Spouse J and in-laws (MIL and FIL) Location: Portland, OR Trip Location: Bay Area, California
Annual # Of Vacation Days: 25 (must be used if too ill to work, no separate paid sick leave) Trip Length: 3 days (Friday, Saturday, Sunday)
Transportation Flights: $411.92 for J & I
Accommodations Airbnb: $298.90 I booked an Airbnb a couple of days after the flights, which is a whole mini place for $298.90 (total) for two nights.
Pre-vacation spending: None. Our friend agreed to cat sit for free. (We’ve been swapping cat care for years.) I didn’t get around to thinking about what to wear/a birthday gift until two days before we left, so I went DIY with a handmade card and selection of family photo prints leftover from printing a bunch post-wedding in 2014 and called it good. I kinda wanted to get a new party dress for the trip right before we left, but worked late instead of shopping. #adulting
Day 1
5 a.m. — SERIOUSLY? Why am I awake? I shuffle downstairs and listen to my current audiobook while snuggling cats.
6:30 a.m. —I feed the cats and wave vaguely at my husband. We are not morning people.
7:12 a.m. — My MIL lets herself in (she’s welcome anytime) and calls hello. I finish tidying up the bedroom and head downstairs. I stuff the last few things in my backpack and zip our joint suitcase. J is less than 5 minutes behind me, and we pull away from the house barely behind schedule. It feels like a miracle. All three passengers proceed to give my MIL directions to the airport with a little comfortable bickering. Ah, family.
8:07 a.m. — We scatter at the airport door to perform our individual airport rituals. J and I wander sleepily in search of breakfast. All of the restaurants at PDX have non-airport locations and are required to have the same prices at airport and non-airport locations, so there are tons of good options at reasonable prices. I look longingly at Blue Star Donuts and contemplate taking on the post-security hike to get a mint Oreo smoothie at Burgerville on the opposite end of the airport. Ultimately, I grab a frittata square from Elephants ($5.09) and J winds up with a bagel and cream cheese and dried sausage stick ($4.95), also from Elephants. (We check out separately because yes, it is too early to make synchronized decisions.) I see LaCroix priced at $2/can and mentally congratulate myself on brining a Polar from home. $9.04
8:30 a.m. —We wander around the delightful pre-security retail area (I love the Portland airport). J gets a book at Powell’s (normally I would too but I’ve been saving one I bought a couple of weeks ago). I take pictures of some shoes I like (my work flats are getting quite shabby) but conclude this would be a poor time to make $100+ decisions. $15
9:05 a.m. — We’ve all four passed security and found one another at the gate. I figure I’ve got 45 minutes before my boarding group is called, so I settle in with my noise-canceling headphones and knitting. Each of the four of us does most of our travel solo (for work) so we pretty much each do our own thing until we deplane at our destination. It took a few years to arrive at this arrangement, but I think we’re all happier with this than the travel as a herd default we started with.
1 p.m. — Our flight was packed with small children going to visit grandparents; it’s been awhile since I’ve seen that many frazzled parents in one place. Our rental car smells like a combo of stink bomb and original Febreeze. We’re all a bit nauseous by the time we pile out of the car for J’s Yelp pick. El Mono is Peruvian comfort food in Richmond, and it hits the spot. I have a spiced avocado purée sandwich with sweet potato fries (the Pan con Palta); my companions try three of the highlighted signature dishes (Causa de Atun, Lomo Saltado, and Aji de Gallina) and everyone was pleased with their choice. My FIL pays at the counter; I think it worked out to about $60 with tax and tip and beverages all around.
1:54 p.m. — We roll out with all the windows open and the car odor improves. Thank goodness.
2:30p.m. — Coral Castle (aka J’s aunt’s house) ahoy! J’s aunt and grandmother are home and it’s hugs and updates all around. Turns out both of the Bay Area cousins are temporarily living at the Castle right now. On the bright side, this means that my cousin quality time mission is TOTALLY on track, but man, I’m glad I’m not the aunt and uncle living with the consequences of two fresh break-ups. The other ladies take off for an art show and J, FIL, and I bask in the peace on the patio. The weather is perfect.
3:30 p.m. The family starts trickling back in and by five p.m. there are ten of us and it’s loud and happy. We eat dinner (fresh grilled salmon and grilled portobello mushrooms and grilled eggplant and a giant salad and cheese and crackers) and spend the evening putting away three (four?) bottles of wine and telling stories. It’s been ages since I talked this deeply and freely and laughed so hard. I break out the semi-random stack of wedding photos I brought in case J’s grandmother wanted some and they’re a hit. She lets others pick a few and keeps the rest of the stack. I definitely did not expect that. After watching his clan react to having great candid pictures of each other (not a thing prior to this moment, as the whole lot are camera shy), J is finally starting to get WHY it mattered to me so much to spend money on photography.
10 p.m. — J’s parents drop us off at our Airbnb on the way to their hotel (I think it’s on the way anyway). It’s tiny and quiet and the perfect antidote to the even bigger crowd of family we’ll see tomorrow.
10:30 p.m. — I semi-guiltily catch up on Instagram (seems like a dumb thing to spend vacation time on). My favorite local jewelry artist has a picture up of things she’s planning to list on Etsy this weekend. It includes a necklace I’ve been crushing on, and juuust in case I DM her to see if she’ll just straight up sell it to me instead of listing it. She’s in! Eight minutes later I own it and am planning what to wear with it next week when it comes in the mail. Jewelry falls in a budget gray area between clothes (a joint category with my husband) and our personal fun money. I ran the necklace itself by J but we didn’t talk about categories. I’ll probably regret not clarifying that in advance. Maybe I can talk him into treating it partially as a vacation souvenir? I’m down to $4.86 of my monthly $190 personal funds. $120
Daily Total: $144.04
Day 2
8:20 a.m. — I wake up thirty minutes before my alarm, realize J is OUT, and take the first shower. I mentally note for my Airbnb review that anyone over 5’7” would have a tough time with the bathroom. We’re short though so it’s all good. The cupboards are stocked with a random assortment of hotel-sized toiletries and makes up for our haphazard packing nicely.
9:20 a.m. — Shockingly, we’re ready before J’s parents planned arrival time so we take a neighborhood walk. We discover that our house in Portland, which is two miles from our downtown jobs, would cost 3.5 times as much in this Marin suburb, which is a good 40 minutes from downtown SF. Without traffic. No wonder the cousins have moved home.
10:15 a.m. — We arrive to full-blown hustle and bustle at the Coral Castle. The crowd is up to 12 and piles of fruit salad, bagels and lox, and avocados are disappearing. I pause to consider the grocery bill for the weekend and am doubly grateful that the most prosperous members of the family are also the most generous. I chill with J’s grandmother and knit as the balance of the party trickle in over the course of the morning. I duck out to the quiet, quiet patio and do some introvert recovery. The weather is still perfect. The view is still insanely gorgeous. (Yesterday evening when my sister-in-law’s boyfriend walked in he stopped dead when he saw the view. I turned to him and said “I know. Ever since I first saw it I’ve been trying to plan vacations around sitting on that patio.”)
12:30 p.m. — One of J’s cousins returned from Thailand earlier in the week and then promptly found a local purveyor of jackfruit. She showed up yesterday with a 10-lb. specimen, and now she turns opening it up and processing it into a group activity. It is delicious. Also sticky in a way that requires industrial strength solvent to clean up.
1:45 p.m. —At this point, I’ve now socialized more in the past 24 hours than I normally do in two months. J and I borrow a car and retreat. J gets In-N-Out burger ($12.67) and I hit the local Safeway with ice cream in mind. I eye a freezer case of gelato bars, but the flavors are insanely high-brow, high-concept so I get a Ruby Jewel sandwich ($3). Because apparently I prefer Portland local treats even hundreds of miles from home. We retreat to our Airbnb and read and nap in peace. $15.67
5 p.m. — The Castle crew is up to fifteen; I chat with J’s grandmother’s friends and nerd out over textiles and design. We eventually manage to break ourselves into four cars to head to the Seafood Peddler in Sausalito where the birthday dinner for 20 will happen. J’s uncle, wine aficionado, brings along 7 bottles. I predict he will end the evening cranky with how the restaurant handles the wine.
6:30 p.m. — Dinner commences. There was no advanced seating plan, but I wind up reasonably happy with my position. It’s super loud, and the food is pretty meh, but the wine is great and watching a bunch of people eat giant lobsters inexpertly is damn entertaining. (I get mine already sectioned out with risotto, so I feel smug.) The prosperous members of the boomer generation in the family split the bill quietly and with remarkably little rancor. It works out to about $60 per person. (J’s uncle is indeed displeased about the wine handling, but expected the total bill to be much higher, so he’s pretty chipper driving home).
8:30 p.m. — The entire set reassembles at the palace for ice cream and homemade flourless chocolate cake and birthday speeches. J’s grandmother had a very poor prognosis 18 months ago, and I know I’m not the only family member who expected our next gathering would be for her funeral. A birthday party is so, SO much better. I get in some good talking with each of the cousins at dinner and after.
10:30 p.m. — I’m hoping for some late night cousin time, but with the Coral Castle packed to the gills (even the dining room has an air mattress in it) people need to be able to sleep. My in-laws drop us off at our Airbnb. (We are pretty much the envy of the clan; we’re spending less than the hotel folks, but still getting the most privacy of the lot.) J and I spend a couple of hours talking.
Daily Total:$15.67
Day 3
9:06 p.m. — FIL knocks impatiently on our Airbnb door. J agreed to a 9 am pickup even after I said I thought 9:15 was the absolute earliest I could manage. (This IS vacation.) I finish the Airbnb checkout at 9:14. I spot an AWESOME weaving exhibition opening in Oakland today, but keep my mouth shut. My FIL has (perfectly legit) Bay Area traffic paranoia, and there is no universe in which we will make a stop in Oakland other than the rental car center and the airport.
9:30 a.m. — More bagels, more lox, jackfruit fruit salad, and eggs. One of the cousins thankfully breaks into the leftover chocolate cake and I cheerfully follow his lead, smearing my slice with avocado. It’s an olive oil based cake, so this is less crazy than it sounds. So good. We chat and chat and chat, and then suddenly it’s time for group photos and departure.
12:10 p.m. — Predictably, we hit traffic and my FIL’s insistence on leaving 3.5 hours to travel 35 miles is justified.
1:30 p.m. — We arrive at the airport and I promptly ditch the fam. I have been to the Oakland airport recently and know that the convenience store/newsstand situation is where I’m most likely to have a satisfying food experience.
I decide to try an RxBar (their relentless Instagram ads finally get me) along with a giant pack of Twix and Diet Coke. (All about the responsible adult food decisions today, obviously.) The RxBar is tastier than the Builder’s Bar I usually go with when I need nonperishable protein. Next time they offer me 12 for $20 I’ll take it and restock my desk protein supply. $10.31
2:15 p.m. — J shows up after an unsatisfactory Burger King experience. $8.52
2:30 p.m. — I spend a quality half hour providing phone tech support to my MIL. I find it quietly hilarious that J is a software engineer but I’m the one who does more parental tech support. (I am slightly less likely to make them feel dumb. Not by a lot though — it’s always a struggle to not grab the phone and sort it out for them.)
5:15 p.m. — We land in Portland. I skimmed through my shoe pictures during the descent and didn’t like anything well enough to stop for. (Though admittedly at this level of cat deprivation, there probably aren’t ANY shoes I’d stop for.)
6:30 p.m. — We get home and cuddle the cats. We talk about getting takeout, then about getting something delivered, but ultimately J makes our fallback hot meal of bean burritos. We agree to introvert in separate rooms for a while.
Daily Total: $18.83
How did you prepare for this trip? I pretty much didn’t. A few months ago I got the family directive to be there for J’s grandmother’s 90th birthday party on the Saturday and that is the whole extent of the plan. I love J’s extended family and haven’t seen them en masse since our wedding in 2014, so I’m excited about the trip. When I hadn’t gotten around to booking anything at T-10 weeks, my FIL forwarded me the flight info he’d booked, and offered up sharing their rental car to get from Oakland to the Marin area where we’ll all likely gather. I tried to convince J we should stay a day longer than his folks and do fun San Francisco stuff, but since we’re both extra busy with work this time of year, he convinced me we should stick with a one-vacation-day trip length. I did some half-hearted fare searching and wound up booking the exact same flights as my FIL. (He’s great at finding the cheapest airfare and also travels way more than me, so I wasn’t surprised.) We were too late to grab one of the bedrooms at the “Coral Castle” aka J’s aunt’s house where folks are likely to gather, so my FIL sent me their hotel info as well. I balked at $225/night for three stars (ugh, Bay Area) and found a cute Airbnb for less located between FIL’s hotel and the Coral Castle, figuring we would be able to Uber or get rides with family. My dream vacation is going someplace with a nice view and chilling out with people I like. There should be knitting and reading; cats and wine are good add-ons. J’s clan isn’t super into chilling out (they’re more: Go places! Do things! Preferably with exercise involved!), but after 12 years, they’re used to me and my relaxed couch potato introvert ways.
Do you have credit card debt as a result of booking this vacation? If so, how much Nope. We’re planning a much bigger trip later in the year, so I’ve been stashing extra cash in our vacation budget category in YNAB for months.
When did you book your flight? Do you think you got a good deal? I booked 10 weeks in advance, and was happy with the price. If I’d been willing to wait and gamble on a fare sale, I might have been able to trim total flight expense by $40, but for Friday and Sunday travel dates sale fare availability can be iffy, so I’m glad I didn’t wait.
Is there a tourist trap you wish you had avoided? Skip the Seafood Peddler restaurant; I’m told the lobster itself was good, but everything else was “meh” at best and it felt super touristy.
What advice would you give someone who is traveling to the same location? Don’t stay at a hotel! You might have to check through multiple services (there are multiple local competitors to Airbnb in the Bay areas) but you’ll for sure find something that’s a better value.
Is there anything about your trip you would do differently in retrospect? I wish I had planned to take the first work day following our return off. The rest of the week would have gone much more smoothly if I’d done laundry and grocery shopping and generally gotten my introvert sorted out. I also wish I’d thought to see if my parents would be welcome and would have liked to come — they get on really well with my in-laws (thirteen joint Thanksgivings and counting) and I think they would have liked being part of a family reunion.
Would you stay at your Airbnb again? If it was just me, absolutely. The mattress was memory foam though, and didn’t suit J.
Where were you located in the specific city and would you recommend staying in that part of town? Our Airbnb was in Mill City, about a 20 minute walk from a shopping center with a nice grocery store and also about 20 minutes from a bus line with fairly frequent service to and from SF across the Golden Gate Bridge. Marin County is gorgeous and worth exploring even without its proximity to the city. If you’re traveling with a combo of city and outdoorsy people, it’s a great spot!
Is there anything you wished you had time to do, but didn’t? We were there during the beginning of a month long open gallery event, and there were a bunch of textile galleries and exhibitions I wished I could have stopped by. If J’s grandmother is still doing well next spring, I’d like to bring my mom (also a fiber arts enthusiast) and take in all the textile shows together. With our knitting in hand! It would be inspiration overload! Plus my mom and J’s grandmother are the snarkiest ladies in all the land; the running commentary would be amazing.
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Superstition runs in my family the way athletic prowess or blue eyes run in others. The constant fear is that, if someone doesn't knock on wood three times and spit in the devil's eye, or returns home for a forgotten thing and doesn't look in the mirror before leaving again, the world will go careening off its axis and everything will be terrible. We're not OCD, technically — just Russian.
Routines are very important to the superstitious, and the order in which I put on my makeup each morning is one of the things that holds my life together. I always fill in my left eyebrow first before my right, and wait until the very last minute before I step out the door to put on my lipstick. And I must always finish it all off with a setting powder, not just because my makeup will fade otherwise, but also because something bad will probably happen if I don't.
You'd think this would take all the fun out of something — but it doesn't! How can I shake up my routine without ruining my life? I try new things, of course. I find the best setting powder, of all the setting powders, because it is key to my survival. You just can't say the same for your favorite YouTube vlogger's product reviews, now can you?
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Flowing champagne, a raucous group dance to the Cha Cha Slide, and a chance to get gussied up all in the name of celebrating a couple you love are some of the reasons we enjoy weddings. With more and more couples choosing to make their nuptial celebrations less traditional (smaller ceremonies, fewer princess gowns (unless you actually are a princess, of course), and a desire for less fuss, it's not surprising to see a shift in popularity from the conventional summer wedding season to winter — and our dress of choice should reflect the times.
Whether you’re crashing, a plus one, or a VIP on the official program, you’ve still got to look your part as a guest. Dressing for a wedding is not a task to be taken lightly, especially when it's the season to dress festively. We would never recommend upstaging the bride — gentle reminder: it’s STILL quite the faux pas to wear white to a wedding unless requested by the couple — but, we can’t promise you won’t be dubbed 'best dressed.' Now that you’ve got the outfit ready to go, it’s time to consider the next most important deliberation...red, white, or sparkling?
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Picking out the perfect gift for the beauty lover in your life isn't as simple as just throwing an eyeshadow palette in a bag — there are levels to this. Personal style, current routine, and beauty concerns are all things to take into consideration before hitting the checkout button. But above all, complexion should be top of mind — especially when you’re shopping for your friends of color.
Taking skin tone into consideration when picking out makeup may seem like a given, but it's a common oversight. When your complexion is brown, there's always a chance that the highlighter your co-worker gave you in the office Secret Santa will end up in your junk drawer (or get re-gifted) because "it didn't match." To avoid that, we rounded up some of our favorite brown-girl-friendly gifts ahead — not a chalky eyeshadow or ashy lipstick in sight.
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Despite the tattoo mania that ensued this past summer, the hottest season is the least ideal time to get a tattoo. You may want to show off your new thigh or ankle ink the second you get a beach day, but factors like excessive sun exposure, chlorine, and sweaty friction can negatively affect how your new tattoo turns out. For that reason — and really that reason only — we're thankful it's finally winter.
Without a damp bathing suit or pool in sight, we can officially declare it peak tattoo season. And the perfect place for your next ink: underneath your boobs. More cutely referred to as the under -boob, the spot underneath the bottom curve of your breast has recently hit the tattoo zeitgeist. Similar to its sisters (sternum and side-boob tattoos) the under-boob area is sensitive, intimate, and — unless you choose otherwise — easily hidden by clothing.
Despite the fact that the placement is more painful than others (most likely due to the close proximity to the rib cage), it's a spot that doesn't discriminate. New York-based tattoo artist Mira Miriah (a.k.a. @girlknewyork) tells us that your breast size shouldn't affect whether or not you can get a tattoo underneath your boob. Whether your boobs are small, round, and perky or hang low with a bit more weight, this is universally-flattering real estate.
The most important thing to know about these tattoos is that the after-care is more personalized, depending on your breast shape and size. "If someone with larger breasts gets [an under-boob tattoo], they can use Tegaderm during the healing process," explains Mariah, referring to the transparent film dressing some pros prefer for protecting fresh tattoo ink. This will decidedly solve the problem of boob sweat or friction from skin and clothing. And as far as bras go, Mariah confirms it's all relative: "If a bra is going to rub against the tattoo, skip it." Bottom line: Chat with your artist about your concerns before you take the plunge on the tattoo because no matter what, you'll have to find a design and after-care routine that makes sense for you.
Ready for some inspiration? Ahead, the raddest under-boob tattoos we've spotted for winter.
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The act of self-care varies from person to person. Whichever way you choose to practice this lifestyle concept, taking the time to stop and show yourself some love is a necessary to-do — whether that's through mental-health mindfulness, journaling, body care buys, beauty treatments, or even edible treats. But during this particular time of year we're turning our self-care commitments upside down with a specially-curated, self(less)-care gift guide.
With the holidays in swing, we've got others on our minds — and so we pulled together the 29 products ahead that cover our favorite self-care essentials for gifting away. The unique lineup includes everything from cat-shaped essential oil diffusers to healing honey masks, CBD gummies, something called a "bliss pen," portable air purifiers, silk eye masks, love-scented candles, happy bath wash, and much more. Shop on to get in the true selfless spirit this season by giving some care — in the form of a cushy body pillow or super soft sherpa blanket — to another in need.
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Imagine it's a windy December morning and you're standing on the sidewalk waiting for the light to turn, the bone-chilling breeze whips across your face, leaving your chapped lips quivering and your hair a tangled mess. Sounds like you should've stayed in bed. But now, consider the same day, but you've just had a haircut. All of a sudden, the cold air is fresh and crisp, and mother nature is your personal wind turbine, flipping your ends to perfection.
Now, all you need to turn your winter hair into something along the lines of the latter scene — a style you can't wait to wear out the door and refuse to cover with a beanie — is to schedule a salon appointment. Not sure what cut you're looking for? Try one of the five chicest, most versatile styles that are poised to be huge in 2019.
Ahead, we're breaking down the hair trends that are picking up major cool girl traction right now, only to hit fever pitch come the new year. More than just photo inspiration, we have pro style tips and product recommendations for how to rock the cut all winter long. Take this handy guide to your next appointment and prepare for warmer walks to work.
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Whole Foods should be renamed Whole Life at this point. It’s dangerously easy to get lost in the aisles of the health emporium and spend our whole paycheck galavanting for groceries, making salads, and stalking new beauty products. Yes, our love for it runs deep — and it just got deeper.
The beauty aisle, in particular, is like a little paradise to scope out hair and skin-care products we don't need after picking up dinner and it's getting even better next year. We got a preview of new offerings coming to shelves in 2019 — like mushroom-based highlighter sticks, USDA-certified organic sheet masks, and detoxifying scalp scrubs — and we almost dropped our bulk almonds. You'll have to wait until February 2019 to get 'em at the chain, but a beauty lover can still plan ahead, right?
Keep clicking to see the newness you'll be able to shop in 2019 in Whole Foods' beauty department.
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