So, you’ve mastered the art of clever sexting exchanges. You’ve even been smart enough to store away some half-naked or fully naked shots (with or without your face, depending on your preference) for when you’re asked to send a dirty pic and you’re wearing sweats. While sexting might be the digital age’s form of tantric discussion, the seemingly ancient form of phone sex might seem out-of-date. But it’s not.
As more and more couples successfully navigate long-distance relationships and an increasing amount of people meet their partners online, phone sex can be a surprisingly sexy avenue to explore. Plus, opting for phone sex over an IRL experience can be a great way to mix things up for long-term partners. As phone-sex operator Jenny Ainslie-Turner says, phone sex is less about quick exchanges and more about a total-body experience.
“People think it's just talking dirty on the phone,” Turner tells Refinery29. “What a lot of people don't realize is that the brain is the biggest sexual organ in the body. When you talk, breathe heavy, or moan, you’re doing this through a direct line to the brain.”
But if you need some help perfecting your dirty-talk repertoire and etiquette, don’t worry: We talked to a handful of phone-sex operators and got their best advice for upping your phone-sex game. These (ahem, detailed) tips will help you navigate any sexy call you’re on. Just try not to blush while you read them.
Make sure your language is action-oriented.
“Shove that, shake those, grab and hold and twist, push it in, push it in — way in. That purr in your voice will be even breathier and insistent when you ask if [they] want you to spread wider, or clamp down like a vise.” -Kathleen K.
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Don’t just sit there — move!
“Make it as real as possible. As your call is describing what you are doing to each other, picture it in your mind. When they’re kissing you, feel their kisses. As their tongue caresses your pussy's lips, squirm from the touch as you would if they were actually doing it to you.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Don’t only say “fuck.”
“There are so many more words than fuck. Use [other] dirty words for fucking, like ball-bang-bury. It feeds into their appetite for detail.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Use toys on yourself.
“Sex toys can be arousing during a call — I‘ve often used my magic wand or egg during calls. The sounds of the vibrations will heighten your enjoyment. That in turn, will magnify the reaction from the person on the other end of the line.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Use more adjectives.
“Description is everything during phone sex. Use unexpected words... to describe [things like] the entry of a cock into your body. Encourage imagery with detail: Are you standing, kneeling, or bending over? Where are his strong arms and his powerful ass? Is she sipping at your tea-cup titties or motor-boating your stupendous boobs? Talk about your cunt-snatch-cooze-hole and his dick-prick-stick.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Wear something sexy.
“Go through your drawers and find something that makes you feel sexy. Even just putting on a sexy pair of panties can change how you feel, and that’s conveyed through your voice. Use it to your advantage.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Surprise your partner when he/she first picks up the phone.
“When your partner answers the phone, sigh deep into their ear. Your partner will no doubt ask, ‘What's wrong?’ Tell them, ‘Nothing really. Just wish I was there with you, because I miss your breath on my neck.’ Sigh again, then say you miss their mouth on your hard nipple! Believe me, you will get their undivided attention.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Always be yourself.
“Your partner fell in love with you, so while the external trappings might be sexy, when you’re on the phone together, let your personality shine through. Accents or changing the pitch of your voice is temporary, but remember: Ultimately, this is about you and the person who loves you.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Find your phone-sex voice and practice it.
“Your phone-sex voice isn’t like your normal voice. It is lower, slower, and it pauses. Your sound is sultry, [and it comes] from deeper in the throat and closer to the heart. Commit and establish that this is no ordinary conversation, that there will be plenty of pauses for moaning.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Make more noise than usual.
“Be as vocal as you could possibly be. You aren't acting, but you do want an exciting experience that culminates in a climax. It is difficult to be aroused by a silent lover, in reality and during phone sex.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.
Get yourself in the mood.
“You have to relax and put yourself in a bit of a naughty mood. To do this, think of the last time you were together and made love or had sex or a quick kiss and cuddle. Phone sex is just saying what he did that you liked or how he touched you and how he made you feel. Now, think about those feelings and put them into words. So much easier on the phone instead of face-to-face.”
Illustrated by: Aimee Sy.Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
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