Tons of women on the internet right now are opening up about why they're putting down the razor or breaking up with their bikini waxer as they halt the ritual of removing their pubic hair. It's a conversation that plenty of female celebrities have weighed in on, too — from Amber Rose to Emma Watson. And they're pretty passionate about it: Rose started her own #BringBackTheBush revolution, and Solange Knowles went so far as to call Brazilian waxes an unnecessary "evil."
Of course, there's no right answer when it comes to pubes. If you prefer to be as hairless as a Sphynx cat, you do you. Want to make like the French and let it grow? That's cool, too. And if you fall in the latter group, know that you'll be in great company. Check out seven celebrities who embrace the bush, ahead.
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It was 14 years ago today that Aaron Samuels asked Cady Heron what day it was. Ever since, October 3 has become the unofficial holiday for Mean Girls fans everywhere — with people celebrating with memes, fetch puns, and tributes to iconic quotes from the film via Twitter. Another way to show your appreciation, though, would be to use this moment to prep for your Halloween reveal.
The Plastics were the zeitgeist group of peak 2000s beauty. Besides the Burn Book, the group of frenemies left behind some of the most memorable looks of the decade: glossy lips, kohl liner that covers the circumference of the entire eye, and overplucked eyebrows. (If you disagree, you have the Broadway show to prove you wrong.) With that in mind, why not use the Mean Girls cast as inspiration for your costume?
Click ahead to check out the "grool" beauty tutorials perfect for All Hallow's Eve.
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It's almost too easy to buy things on Instagram. Between the funky vintage clothes, unique pieces of furniture, and cool workout clothes, it's hard to resist scrolling and spending. That said, there's one thing you probably shouldn't buy on Insta: nutrition advice.
Many wellness influencers on Instagram who call themselves "nutrition experts" or "nutrition coaches" sell detailed meal plans, cleanses, or nutrition guides to their followers. Often these plans can be downloaded in one click, and they promise to "jump-start," "cleanse," "challenge," or "detox " your body in a certain number of days. When you're already deep into an Instagram blogger's profile, it's only natural to want to buy into whatever they're selling.
But here's the thing: Nutrition is such an individualized area of life, so it's effectively impossible to create one meal plan that will work for everybody, says Kaleigh McMordie, MCN, RDN, LD, a registered dietitian in Lubbock, TX. That's just one of the many reasons why traditional diets don't work. And a lot of times, these types of "healthy meal plans" are just diets in disguise. (Whole 30, for example, doesn't sound like a traditional diet — but the truth is it's incredibly restrictive.) "It can be dangerous when people make blanket recommendations without understanding the science behind certain diets," she says.
This is especially true when the people giving recommendations aren't actually nutrition professionals, which is unfortunately often the case on social media. On Instagram, anyone can call themselves an "expert" or "nutritionist," when they don't have any education or credentials, McMordie says. If you're looking for nutrition information, you should be consulting a registered dietitian (RDs or RDNs) or anyone with an advanced nutrition degree, she says. When registered dietitians work with clients, they take the person's medical history and lifestyle factors into account before they make any recommendations, she says. "There are so many conditions that are affected by diet, so it's best to consult a doctor or dietitian when making a big change to your diet," she says. And a PDF simply can't do that.
It can be dangerous when people make blanket recommendations without understanding the science behind certain diets.
Also, whenever an Instagram influencer (or a friend, or a family member, or a random frenemy on Facebook) posts information about their diet or workout routine, it's so important to remember that it's just one person sharing what works for them — and their philosophy or approach may not "work" for you. It doesn't matter how many people claim a specific diet or cleanse changed their life — at the end of the day, they are not you.
Look, not everyone on Instagram who posts green smoothies and salads is a fraud trying to swindle you by selling a harmful PDF. But Instagram is tricky territory, because photos and videos don't paint the full picture of a person's health — no matter how long the captions are. The reality is that you can't tell how healthy a person is just by looking at them, even if you do follow their stories and lives religiously.
Of course some people are on Instagram because it is a business, not because they want to share helpful advice. Be mindful of the people you follow, and use your judgment when advice or suggestions give you pause. As Cara Harbstreet, MS, RD, LD, an intuitive eating expert and anti-diet dietitian recently wrote, "You know yourself better than anyone and sometimes it has to be your job to advocate for what you know you need. Even if part of you thinks something isn’t the right fit, you’re probably right."
If you are struggling with an eating disorder and are in need of support, please call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. For a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741.
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I've found myself yelling at my computer a total of three times in my life. The most recent incident? When an item I had been contemplating sold out on Etsy. Clearly, I did not heed the little hourglass warning that says, "Don't wait. There's only one of these available." That one moment of missed opportunity (for a pair of vintage Miu Miu pumps, no less) had me spiral into a world of regret where I fantasized about all of the outfits that could have been.
Finding gems on Etsy, as with all vintage shopping, takes time and patience. Even if you think you've mastered the game of winning search terms and worthy shops, the number of products on Etsy is overwhelming. Next thing you know, you're 40 tabs deep in things you want to buy.
The intense level of effort that goes into effectively shopping at Etsy is what makes losing out on a perfect purchase so tough to swallow. So as a result of my pain, I've decided to bring my Etsy sourcing skills to the masses by sharing all the pieces I haven't quite pulled the trigger on that you should. From summer's silky scarves and white linen tops to fall finds like velvet dresses and knit handbags, these are the best Etsy finds around. I may not be a master at buying things before it's too late, but I do consider myself to be a pro at clicking "next page" until 2 a.m. And what's better than having someone who's willing to do all the work for you?
There is a lot of product out there — some would say too much. At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team, but if you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.
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Before the K-beauty craze officially landed stateside, in a time where skin care sourced from Seoul had yet to appear on Sephora shelves from South Dakota to San Juan, there was Soko Glam. Launched by Charlotte Cho in 2012, the online mecca of all things K-beauty was one of the first retailers to bring skin essences, snail serums, and ampoules to the Western masses. So it's fair to consider the site, and the experts behind it, an authority in the industry — and therefore the right people to handpick the most innovative K-beauty products of the year.
Today, Soko Glam announced the winners of its annual Best of K-Beauty Awards, and they're good. Each of the awards was hard-earned: For a product to qualify, it must have been curated by the site within the past year, received rave reviews from the community, deemed a "must-have" by the Soko Glam team, and achieved best-seller status. It's a tall order, but one that these 10 K-beauty skin-care products clearly had no trouble achieving. The best of the best, ahead — and through October 16, you can use the promo code SGBOKB18 to score 15% off every single one.
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But even when Thompson steps out of her eclectic roster of characters, it's her real-life personality that tends to grab people's attention — especially when it comes to her statement-making fashion and beauty choices. Now, with all eyes on her, there's no better time to walk through Thompson's impressive Hollywood transformation, from a fresh-faced actress to a bold boundary-breaking star. Check it out, ahead.
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At age 25, the average college-educated American millennial woman earns 10% less than her male counterpart. By age 37, that gap rises to 27%, or a whopping $172,728 in lost income. If things continue at this pace, by age 60, we will see a 40% gender wage gap with women missing out on — wait for it — more than $1 million in income. And we are not here for it.
After all, no one ever said, “You know what I want? To have a million less dollars.” And although it is certainly not up to women alone to solve this problem, we need to fight for ourselves — and the salaries we deserve. That's why, with the wisdom of career coach Lisa Lewis, we’re giving you the tools to ask the tricky questions that may be tripping you up when it comes to fattening your paycheck. What kind of salary jump is fair to expect between jobs? How can you effectively talk salary with your coworkers? What prompts a company to match another offer?
Read on for answers and, if all goes well, a bank-account balance that makes you not just breathe a little easier, but smile. That grin? It’s what getting what you’re worth looks like.
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If your morning hair routine includes a wheezing can of dry shampoo, a weak blast of hot air from a dying blowdryer, and eventually a super stretched hair tie — because this struggle ends in a messy ponytail when you realize you're now super late — know, you are in good company. After frolicking all summer, we're just now realizing that our hair routine is in serious need of a refresh.
The only real caveat: It requires a little planning to maximize your gains. Over the next three weeks, different deals will drop each day — which means the curl cream you've been dying to try will only be on sale for a quick 24 hours. We’re sharing our shopping calendar so you'll know exactly when to score the best deals. Get in sync to stock up on the must-haves, ahead.
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People have started paying attention to what's exactly inside their deodorant, which makes sense, because it's something most of us mindlessly apply to our armpits every day.
For years, rumors have swirled that there's a solid link between certain cancers and the aluminum chloride and parabens found in antiperspirants. Although that may not be proven, what is certain is that many chemical antiperspirants are made with ingredients that aren't entirely in line with the clean, green beauty movement.
Now, if the switch to natural deodorant is appealing to you, bear in mind that you will notice a difference when you make the change, because chemical antiperspirant and natural deodorant work differently. Your sweat glands, which have been clogged by aluminum salts, will have, well, a bit more freedom to perform their proper bodily functions. Though the floodgates won't necessarily open, there may be a transitional stage when you're more aware of your underarm sweating. Eventually, your body will reach its natural equilibrium.
The natural deodorants ahead are worth sticking it out through that transitional period — fresh, paraben-free pits that actually smell like roses and bergamot are waiting on the other side.
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Wearing "I stand with Brett" and "Women for Kavanaugh" T-shirts, a group of about 10 women cut a path through the crowd of protestors assembled in the atrium of the Hart Senate Office Building on Thursday, largely wordless but speaking volumes with their confidence. In contrast to the anti-Kavanaugh protestors with "I believe survivors" pins, who were dressed to rage against the white male establishment, some of them embraced traditional ideas of femininity with high heels and carefully curled hair.
Support for Judge Brett Kavanaugh among Republican women rose to 69% in the days after he and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee last Thursday, according to a Morning Consult/ Politicopoll. This figure went up from 49% in a poll conducted September 20 to 23. Overall, the survey found that 40% of voters oppose Kavanaugh's confirmation while 37% support it.
It's possible that Kavanaugh's forceful, emotional testimony swayed some women; 46% of people overall say they would describe him as "strong," according to the poll. Whatever the reason, one thing is clear: After both testimonies, opinions have intensified and voters have become even more entrenched in their partisan views, stoking passion on both sides in the lead-up to the midterm elections. Now, the majority of Republican women have joined the president, who has been accused of sexual assault and misconduct by 19 women, in undermining Dr. Ford's credibility.
"I don't know one Republican woman who doesn't support him," Pam Stevens, Kavanaugh's former colleague in the George W. Bush White House, tells Refinery29. In August, Stevens signed a letter to Senate Judiciary Committee leaders in the judge's support. She says she doesn't find Dr. Ford credible because "there are no corroborating witnesses and no evidence" in the case.
I would like Brett to be on the court today.
Leyland Keyser, the friend who Dr. Ford says was there during the assault, has said she believes Dr. Ford although she has no recollection of the party in question. Various experts, both in law and psychology, have said they found Dr. Ford's testimony credible. But Stevens is not alone. According to the Morning Consult/ Politico survey, 64% of Republican women said the word "credible" does not describe Dr. Ford well, compared to 15% who said it did. Overall, 44% of women said they think she's credible, and 30% said she is not, which is in line with voters overall.
Stevens, who worked with Kavanaugh for close to three years and says she didn't spend time with him socially, says the allegations are inconsistent with what she knows about him. "I never observed him as anything other than a total professional and gentle soul. He was always kind and respectful of everyone he came into contact with." She also described him as a hard worker who would be "in by 6:50 a.m." every morning.
"I would like Brett to be on the court today," she concludes.
For others, his qualifications and judicial record trump any potential misconduct. "In light of the recent allegations, we still continue to stand with Judge Kavanaugh," Patrice Onwuka, a senior policy analyst at the Independent Women's Forum, a conservative nonprofit that grew out of a group created to defend Judge Clarence Thomas in 1992, tells Refinery29.
She continues: "The allegations such as those by Dr. Christine Ford remain unsubstantiated and uncorroborated even by the witnesses she provided. Conservative women support Judge Brett Kavanaugh because we believe he will uphold the highest law of our land and respect the role of the Supreme Court to interpret — not make — new law or social policy," partisan comments about the Clintons nonwithstanding.
While the majority support him, around one-third of Republican women don't back Kavanaugh, with some saying they have become disappointed in him after Dr. Ford's allegations.
"As a conservative, I was initially pleased with the nomination of Judge Kavanaugh, based on his originalist philosophy, although I disagree with his interpretation of executive power," Erica Lizza, a 21-year-old senior at Georgetown University, tells Refinery29. "I now have a starkly different opinion of Judge Kavanaugh. After learning more about Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's allegations and hearing Kavanaugh's response, I no longer support his nomination. There are simply too many unanswered questions and contradictions in Kavanaugh's account to believe that he is fully innocent."
After learning more about Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's allegations and hearing Kavanaugh's response, I no longer support his nomination.
Lizza adds that she's incredibly disappointed by the reactions she's seen from many conservatives who are willing to overlook the allegations because they're politically damaging. "Condemning sexual assault should not be a partisan issue," she says.
Amanda Saxon, who is 33 and lives in Jacksonville, FL, says that although she is unsure whether or not Kavanaugh "knows he is guilty," she doesn't think he should be confirmed, and does believe Dr. Ford. To the friends and coworkers who believe the allegations are a smear on his characters and who know a different Kavanaugh than the one the women's stories have presented, she wants to say, "You can have a million friendships and healthy sexual encounters with women and still be sexually inappropriate or even assault someone."
Saxon, who says she's a longtime registered Republican but did not vote for Trump, echoed a chorusof voices who suggested what Kavanaugh could have said to appear more credible in his testimony if he believes he's truly innocent. According to Saxon, Kavanaugh could have said: "Honestly I don’t believe I did this. I am a good man whose record has been positive up to this point. I did drink a lot in high school. I couldn’t handle the pressure. I was sexually immature and came from a religious family who didn’t talk about it. I’m mortified of the possibility of this event occurring but I don’t know that it happened. I will do everything in my power going forward to make sure women are protected and respected and that both sexes come of age in a culture that is different. Including my two young daughters."
For many of the women storming the Senate with "I believe survivors" signs, the fact that Republican women have not only continued, but strengthened their support for Kavanaugh, despite the allegations and the aggressively bro-ish behavior that followed, comes across as yet another example of internalized misogyny — the same internalized misogyny that, some say, is responsible for 53% of white women voting for Trump. "Republican participants and those who voted for Trump reported the highest levels of internalized misogyny, adherence to traditional gender roles, and both types of sexism," concluded a recent Utah State University paper.
But some Republican women are aware of the painful gender dynamics this debacle has once again called up.
"If our society doesn't change, then I am truly fearful for my children," says Saxon, who has two sons, ages 4 and almost 2. "I will not allow my boys to grow up in a world where men are taught that sex is something to take and girls are taught it’s something we owe or give. We have to do better."
I will not allow my boys to grow up in a world where men are taught that sex is something to take and girls are taught it’s something we owe or give.
The FBI is wrapping up its expanded background investigation into allegations from Dr. Ford and Deborah Ramirez, with the Senate getting ready to head into a vote this week. But plenty of questions remain, including why the bureau hasn't contacted Kavanaugh, Dr. Ford, or Julie Swetnick, Kavanaugh's third accuser who says he was present when she was gang raped, as well as dozens of potential witnesses. President Trump has only further divided the discourse by mocking Dr. Ford at a recent rally.
The pivotal Republican women in the vote, of course, are Sens. Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski, who are still reportedly undecided and are getting calls around the clock from constituents trying to influence their vote. For most Republican women in Congress, as Politicoreported, "party loyalty trumps #MeToo."
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We proudly opted out of the controversial animal fur debate a long time ago, opting instead for fall/winter coats of the faux variety. They have all the same winning qualities — glamour, timelessness, comfort — with none of the ick factor associated with real fur.
Back when brands first started catching on to the obvious ethical faux pas associated with fur coats, their fake alternatives were iffy at best. But times have changed. This fall, we're seeing a whole slew of faux fur outerwear options that are almost impossible to differentiate from the real thing. Gone are the days of tussled and far less luxurious imitations of the coats lining your grandmother's closet. From bold hues to shearling alternatives, the 15 faux fur coats ahead are game-changers. They're all style, no guilt, and they all ring in at under-$300.
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Looking for some extra cash this upcoming holiday season and got some extra time on your hands? The good news is, there are lots of companies looking for seasonal help to accommodate the inevitable chaos that is holiday shopping season. From retail, to customer service, to Human Resources — there's high demand everywhere.
Whether you love working directly with customers or prefer a more behind-the-scenes gig, we have you covered with these seasonal job ideas. 'Tis almost the season.
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No one would ever accuse Lady Gaga of being predictable. Since bursting onto the scene over 10 years ago, Stefani Germanotta has reinvented her image more times than we can count. She's a singer. She's a Golden Globe winner. She sports raw meat on the red carpet. She's a Mother Monster who counts bleach-blonde bows and soda cans as hair accessories. She's a 32-year-old who, by design, is in a constant and rapid state of change — and her latest make-under for her cover story in The New York Times Magazine is no exception.
For the cover, shot by the iconic Marilyn Minter, Gaga appears bare-faced behind a glass pane, her freckles (including a few faux ones added by makeup artist Sarah Tanno) on full display. The stripped-back look is not unlike other recent make-unders by major pop stars, including Ariana Grande and Christina Aguilera, who both ditched their over-the-top stage personas to usher in a new era of vulnerability. And while Gaga might not be dropping an album that proves she's on a whole new wave (that was Joanne), she is showing herself in a way we've never seen her before: as an actress likely on her way to an Academy Award nomination.
Gaga isn't reinforcing the idea that going makeup free somehow equates to authenticity or that we're finally seeing her true self, though. For her, this is just another part of what makes Gaga, well, Gaga. “ I do keep transforming into a new shell of me,” she told writer Rachel Syme. “So sure, there is an acting component to what I do... but the word ‘acting,’ it’s hard for me to talk about in that way, because ‘acting’ to me almost implies faking it.”
The cover makeup, or lack thereof, likely alludes to Gaga's latest role as Ally in A Star Is Born. While filming, Gaga was notoriously instructed by director and co-star Bradley Cooper to never wear makeup on camera, starting the day he took a makeup wipe to her face during the screen test. Many found the move forceful and in bad taste, but for Gaga — a staunch advocate for challenging beauty standards — it was actually welcome (if uncharted) territory. "It put me right in the place I needed to be, because when my character talks about how ugly she feels — that was real,” Gaga recalled to the Los Angeles Times. “I’m so insecure. I like to preach, but I don’t always practice what I preach."
It's a refreshing new side to witness, sure — but it's certainly not her final act. When asked what's next, Gaga told Syme, "Oh...I’m just shape-shifting again.” Here's hoping Jo Calderone makes a comeback.
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The shade works on every skin tone under the sun, but you might need an experimental attitude when taking on this look. Though a screaming tangerine color might look like a 5-year-old's finger paint when coming out of the tube, a teensy dot blended onto the apples of your cheeks or draped under your cheekbones will deliver a healthy, sun-kissed version of your face with zero bronzer or highlighter required.
Ahead, shop the creamy orange blushes we're stocking for fall (including one that's only $3 at Target). Hop on board, because trust us, an earthy, tan flush will look so fresh with that new cable knit sweater.
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After revealing in an Instagram post that she was raped at age 14, Busy Philipps opened up to Ellen Degeneres about why she chose to share her experience publicly.
"I was so moved by [Dr. Ford’s] bravery," Philipps said during an appearance on The Ellen Show on Wednesday. And it wasn’t something that I felt like I was ever going to blast out on social media, but when I saw her standing there, speaking her truth after 30 years, I was like, 'It’s been 25 [years] for me and I can do this. I can do this. We can all do this,'"
She added: "And I feel like it’s, politically whatever you believe, I feel like it’s a real moment of reckoning for women that we have, sort of collectively, carried this burden for so long and it’s time to share it and let it out. It was hard. And really scary."
"This is me at 14. The age I was raped," Philipps originally wrote in her Instagram post. "It's taken me 25 years to say those words. I wrote about it in my book. I finally told my parents and sister about it 4 months ago. Today is the day we are silent no more. All of us. I'm scared to post this. I can't imagine what Dr. Ford is feeling right now."
DeGeneres revealed that she, too, is a survivor, telling Philipps, "I was 15 and I had something happen to me. When I watched Dr. Ford, anyone who’s had something happen to them, you just get so angry when someone doesn’t believe you or says, 'Why did you wait so long? ' It’s because we’re girls and we’re taught not to say anything and go along with it."
Philipps, who wrote about her rape in her upcoming book, This Will Only Hurt A Little, said she grappled with telling her story for a long time.
"I’ve struggled with it for so long," she said. "For so long. And even when I wrote the chapter in my book I had in my head an escape plan, which was it doesn’t have to go into the book if I panic and don’t want to put it out into the world. But I feel like we’re at this moment in time."
If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
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Any true discount fiend worth their weight has already begun a countdown to Black Friday and Cyber Mondaysales. The changing of the seasons might equate with PSLs, sweater weather, and #spoopy Halloween decor for some, but for others, it's an indicator that the bonkers sales week isn't far offer. Sadly, we're not quite there yet. But if you're itching to get some bargain hunting practice in, consider this weekend your training ground.
The recently reformed Columbus Day, which now properly identifies as Indigenous Peoples Day, is still observed as a three-day weekend in most regions of the country. And where there's a three-day weekend, there's an onslaught of sales not far off. While we recommend celebrating the actual holiday in a more respectable form — donating to organizations that are set up to support Native Americans like Stand with Standing Rock is a good start — there's no harm in taking non-celebratory advantage of the deals dropping this week.
Click ahead to see of this weekend's discounts that will tide you over until the post-Thanksgiving madness.
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Skeletons, witches, and black cats are always reliable Halloween costume ideas (especially if you’re in a last minute time crunch), but they don’t have to be the only option. A standout IG-worthy look is as easy as dressing up as your favorite celebrity, and who better to bring the party to Halloween get-togethers than Cardi B?
The rapper has had quite an eventful year with the release of her record-breaking album Invasion Of Privacy, a brand new baby, lots of drama, and plenty of stunning red carpet moments. But in every one of her memorable appearances lives a Cardi B costume to replicate come October 31. Plus, some of them are as simple as putting on a wig and pulling out makeup you already love.
We've rounded up some of her buzziest looks to get your costume juices flowing, ahead. Because once you pick a Cardi B look you wanna party with, all that's left to do is put on your favorite Invasion Of Privacy track and practice your best “OWWWW!” in the mirror.
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Divorce is a tricky, emotional time for many of us — and it can be even more complicated if you work with your significant other. Here, singer songwriter Nicki Bluhm shares the story of her divorce, and how it fueled her latest album,To Rise You Gotta Fall.
I was probably 19 years old when I first saw my future husband play the guitar in San Francisco. At the time, I was working on a ranch, but I always knew I had an itch to work in music. I had learned how to play the guitar, sang a few songs at home, but nothing serious. Then I saw him and his band play at the Great American Music Hall, and I was so enthralled. I knew I wanted to be on stage, closer to it all.
One night, after a show, he and I got to talking, and he found out I played guitar. He listened to me play, and told me to keep doing it, to keep writing and practicing. We started to see each other at more shows, at more after parties, and after a while we started dating.
He became both my mentor and my partner. He convinced me to keep writing, helped me book my first tiny gigs. We recorded my first songs together in his little studio in San Francisco, with musicians he called up to play as the backup band. And eventually, we started playing and singing together.
In October 2007, we got married — and we had some great years. We put a band together, made a few records, toured the US and Europe. We were on a really fun ride, compatible musically but also in life. We both loved being outdoors, camping, being in the mountains. I learned so much from him. He was an amazing person — he’s still an amazing person.
But over the years, he started to struggle with substances, as many musicians I've known have. He’d go through stints of sobriety, and then not. And the pressures of the road are real — it’s not a healthy lifestyle. There are late nights, there’s always alcohol, and you’re basically playing in bars. It’s a constant test of your ego, trying to sell tickets and keep people interested. Just because you sell out one show doesn't mean you're playing Madison Square Garden next. And he had already been through all of that — the riding in the van, playing empty rooms — with his previous band. To repeat that with me was really hard for him.
So I started to lose myself in him. I would do anything to try to make him happy, adjusting my behavior to match his, what I wanted to mirror his wants. I just really wanted to please him, to make him happy, keep everything together, temper his mood. The more I inquired about why he was unhappy, the more he withdrew and became distant, and the more he withdrew, the more I inquired. Now, upon reflection, I realize you can only be responsible for your own happiness. But when I was in that relationship, I couldn't help it.
We tried everything. We did therapy, tried "separation," but we were touring together, so it meant performing on stage together every night, singing love songs together and falling back into the fantasy that everything is okay. After every show, I was thrust back into the reality that my marriage was dissolving — and my heart broke a little more every night.
It took two years of trying before my husband finally asked me for a divorce in 2015, after 10 years. For me, it didn't make any sense. He couldn't articulate why he wanted a divorce, what was wrong. He confessed his infidelity 9 months later. And then, it all clicked. For more than half our marriage, he says, he had been unfaithful. And thinking back, I should have known. I should have trusted my intuition. I just didn’t want to believe it.
That’s when everything changed. I stopped feeling so crazy, stopped beating myself up about where I went wrong (although those feelings do emerge from time to time). We moved out of our house, and I moved into a little place of my own in Sausalito. Our divorce was finalized —after 10 years of marriage — and I began to write the title track of my new record, "To Rise You Gotta Fall." I felt I had no choice but to come out with a solo album, no choice but to prove I could do it on my own. It was scary for me. He was so involved in every element of my life — professionally, personally, musically. This album was to prove to him, to myself, and to the people around me that I could do it by myself. So I just fueled myself with willpower, willing myself to not need him anymore.
I found other people to write with in Nashville, new partnerships that weren’t emotionally loaded, and sought out old friendships. But mostly, I learned to rely on myself as the constant. But it is lonely, learning to be your own best friend. When I first started singing these songs, I would perform them by myself. Just me in a sequin dress and my guitar. I was opening for Josh Ritter, Lukas Nelson and the Wood Brothers, and I wanted to show that I could write my own songs, find a producer, make a record, and perform them on my own. It was about me being completely self-sufficient. It was scary, but I did it, and I felt really proud of myself.
Since then, I've realized it's okay to lean on people. It's important to have a support system. That's come out in my music too — I now perform with a band, and it's been so fabulous, and it's so different.
I spoke to my ex-husband right before I put this record out, just to let him know, and it did mean something to me when he told me he understood. The stages of grief are softening. It's been more than a year and a half since the divorce, and I'm still in the process of of comprehending what happened. It's taking time to move through my emotions, and there are some days I feel like I’ve taken a step forward, and other days two steps back. Sometimes, problems take a long time to fix, and for me, I’m learning how to sit with that discomfort, develop a relationship with myself, and understand that this process is actually never-ending. I loved him, and losing him hurts, but I love myself more.
I do wish the ending could have been different, but I have so much gratitude to him. Now I can look back and say, I don’t think I would change anything. I am grateful I had this incredible relationship, I am grateful for the times that it was good. Now, I can relish in little victories: Some nights, especially when I'm tour, I get to bed, with brushed and flossed teeth, with under-eye cream, and I wake up and I think, Good job, me.
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Judge Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation battle is set to end this weekend, as the Senate prepares to vote following the conclusion of a FBI background investigation into the sexual misconduct claims against him.
In the aftermath of his testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee and that of his accuser Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Republican Sen. Jeff Flake forced Republicans and the White House to order an FBI background investigation "limited in scope and completed in less than one week."
The FBI sent the report to the White House late Wednesday. On Thursday morning, senators and a select number of aides began reviewing one copy of the report stored at a secured facility. The Trump administration already came out publicly saying that they still stand by Kavanaugh. Democrats and other progressives have been concerned that the probe, for which neither Kavanaugh nor Dr. Ford were interviewed, was rushed and too narrow.
After Trump openly mocked Dr. Ford at a Mississippi rally on Tuesday, there were concerns about the fairness of the FBI investigation since he is the one who directed its parameters.
Kavanaugh himself has not been too worried about the probe: Harvard Law students learned this week that he withdrew from teaching a course next semester, a move that seemed to point out he expects to be confirmed to the Supreme Court despite the allegations against him.
Below, the latest developments of the Kavanaugh saga. We'll continue to update this story as we see fit.
The FBI interviewed just nine people.
The New York Times reports that the FBI was "plowing through interviews." Neither Kavanaugh nor Ford were interviewed by investigators. In a statement, Ford’s legal team said: "An FBI supplemental background investigation that did not include an interview of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford — nor the witnesses who corroborate her testimony — cannot be called an investigation. We are profoundly disappointed that after the tremendous sacrifice she made in coming forward, those directing the FBI investigation were not interested in seeking the truth."
According to NBC News and the New Yorker, dozens of people with possible information relevant to the investigation have not even been contacted by the FBI or were ignored after reaching out to the agency.
Two acquaintances who knew Kavanaugh in high school submitted sworn declarations to the FBI and senators, according to the New Yorker. One of them read: "The reason I decided to come forward and share my interactions with Brett Kavanaugh is that Brett Kavanaugh’s presentation of himself as some honorable and nice person who always respected girls in high school and who was a moderate drinker could not be farther from the truth."
Attorney Michael Avenatti, who is representing Kavanaugh accuser Julie Swetnick, told Refinery29 his client was not contacted by the FBI. "It appears to be a farce and a sham," Avenatti said of the investigation. "How do you do an investigation and not talk to at least all of the accusers?"
Among those interviewed was Mark Judge, who allegedly was in the room when Kavanaugh reportedly sexually assaulted and attempted to rape Dr. Ford at a house party in the early 1980s.
Kavanaugh could be confirmed as early as this weekend.
Shortly after the FBI ended his investigation Wednesday, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell filed a motion to invoke "cloture" — a procedural vote — on Kavanaugh’s nomination. If things moved along as planned, there will be a final Senate vote this weekend.
McConnell had announced his intentions earlier this week, despite not knowing what the investigation could find. "The time for endless delay and obstruction has come to a close," McConnell said Monday, apparently forgetting about how he blocked the nomination of Judge Merrick Garland — President Obama's moderate pick to fill the seat left by the late Justice Antonin Scalia — for 293 days. "We’ll be voting this week."
Kavanaugh's alcohol use came into focus again through several news reports.
The New York Times reported Kavanaugh was involved in a bar altercation in September 1985 that ended up with him and four other men being questioned by the New Haven Police Department. Kavanaugh, then a 21-year-old junior at Yale, reportedly threw ice at another patron while one of his friends threw a glass at the man.
Several former classmates of Kavanaugh have said he drank heavily in his youth and became "aggressive and belligerent when he was very drunk." Others have claimed he likely blacked out.
In a handwritten letter from 1983 obtained by the Times, Kavanaugh wrote of his clique of friends' hard partying ways. "... Warn the neighbors that we’re loud, obnoxious drunks with prolific pukers among us. Advise them to go about 30 miles," Kavanaugh wrote in the letter. He signed the letter "FFFFF, Bart."
During his confirmation hearing, the Supreme Court nominee denied to the Senate Judiciary Committee that he ever drank to the point of blacking out.
Kavanaugh reportedly tried to discredit his second accuser prior to her story becoming public.
Kavanaugh testified under oath that he didn't knew about the Deborah Ramirez allegations against him until the New Yorker published its story. But NBC News reported Monday that Kavanaugh and his team communicated with former Yale classmates Kerry Berchem and Karen Yarasavage prior to the publication of the story, asking them to go on-the-record and discredit Ramirez's claims.
Berchem also wrote a memo to the FBI, in which she alleges Kavanaugh "and/or" his allies "may have initiated an anticipatory narrative" as early as July, a full two months before the publication of the New Yorker article, in an attempt to "conceal or discredit" Ramirez and her story.
If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call theRAINN Sexual Assault Hotlineat 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
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Blame the fact that ponytails are trending or that scrunchies have made a full-blown comeback, but this season, we're trying to make the most of our updos. Braids? Yes, please. Half-ups? Cool for the fall. Topknots, baby bangs, ribbon headbands that would make Blair Waldorf proud? We're here for it all.
Which is why we're loving Hollywood's recent flock to a new minimalist, yet undeniably elegant hair trend: jewel-adorned hair accessories. Pearl-studded bobby pins and tiny crystals have been seen on everyone from up-and-coming starlets like Lily James, to bonafide stars like Ariana Grande and Tessa Thompson.
However ho-hum you're feeling with your go-to hairstyle, there's a jeweled hair piece to tastefully jazz it up — and all you have to do is put a pin on it. Click ahead for all our favorites.
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